Friday, May 24, 2013
the new trend
so, now the new thing is guys want to face time or skype before meeting, okay they are taking this technology thing a little too far, what in the world?!? would it be so awful to meet for coffee and not date through technology. the other night a guy asked if we could skype and i said, "no, i prefer to date in person and not have a relationship through modern technology." what in this world guys, get a clue, girls do not want to date through texting, facetime... take it old school. it is funny, i got a text from one of my good friends here in charlotte, of some beautiful flowers. no lie, a guy she was going out with last night, showed up at her door, brought her flowers, opened her door, took her to dinner, and brought her back home:) i was so encouraged that there are guys that still know how to treat a girl:)
an oldie but a goodie
i think this one was my very first online dating experience date, so this was a few years back (don't remind me how long or many times I have tried this, but know that you don't have memberships forever - you have to pay for "subscriptions or memberships by the months).
this guy, worked for BoA uptown, he was good a bit older than me, but seemed realy nice, so we talked on the phone for a while and then planned to meet up. we made plans to meet in a huge shopping center parking lot, because i don't ever let these guys know wehre i live at first, and our plan was to go to Miro (in Ballantyne) and then possibly ice skating. you see, i had just had knee surgery and had just finished PT and recovering from it, which i told him, but apparently he still thought this would be a good idea. generally or if the above had not happened, i would have been 100% on board.
so, we meet up, go to dinner. dinner was fine, but it is truly unnecessary to spend over 100 on dinner. i was still pretty new to professional working scene, so this just seemed like too much for a first date. i still feel like money could be used elsewhere, but i have a shopping addiction, so no judgment here, ha. after dinner, we headed to the ice skating rink. it should be noted that i had had pretty serious knee surgery about 4 months prior, so i had had PT for months and had just been released, which he knew. i am actually pretty good at skating (ice and roller), but when he tried to couple's skate with me on ice, i nearly slapped him. i thought, if you make me fall and i have to go back to PT, we will have major issues. we quickly ended the iceland adventure, so we headed to get coffee... he talked and talked, and i did not. i thought the marathon date would never end. i am pretty sure he said at some point at coffee, he was ready to get ready, STAT. i was terrified, and needless to say, we didn't go back out... but he is so normal in comparison:)
this guy, worked for BoA uptown, he was good a bit older than me, but seemed realy nice, so we talked on the phone for a while and then planned to meet up. we made plans to meet in a huge shopping center parking lot, because i don't ever let these guys know wehre i live at first, and our plan was to go to Miro (in Ballantyne) and then possibly ice skating. you see, i had just had knee surgery and had just finished PT and recovering from it, which i told him, but apparently he still thought this would be a good idea. generally or if the above had not happened, i would have been 100% on board.
so, we meet up, go to dinner. dinner was fine, but it is truly unnecessary to spend over 100 on dinner. i was still pretty new to professional working scene, so this just seemed like too much for a first date. i still feel like money could be used elsewhere, but i have a shopping addiction, so no judgment here, ha. after dinner, we headed to the ice skating rink. it should be noted that i had had pretty serious knee surgery about 4 months prior, so i had had PT for months and had just been released, which he knew. i am actually pretty good at skating (ice and roller), but when he tried to couple's skate with me on ice, i nearly slapped him. i thought, if you make me fall and i have to go back to PT, we will have major issues. we quickly ended the iceland adventure, so we headed to get coffee... he talked and talked, and i did not. i thought the marathon date would never end. i am pretty sure he said at some point at coffee, he was ready to get ready, STAT. i was terrified, and needless to say, we didn't go back out... but he is so normal in comparison:)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
such a great article...
http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/
the above article sums it up pretty well. i'd rather be single than settle, so i'll keep praying and waiting. God is faithful and has a plan. the bottom line:: Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ. in case you can't click on the link, here is the copy and pasted article...
My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.
So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.
1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.
the above article sums it up pretty well. i'd rather be single than settle, so i'll keep praying and waiting. God is faithful and has a plan. the bottom line:: Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ. in case you can't click on the link, here is the copy and pasted article...
My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.
So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.
1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Do's and Don'ts for Guys:: Online Dating Edition
i wish i could say that i am making this up, but i am not. i was talking to some friends the other day and they were talking about how popular online dating has become. it is true, so many people do it, it has become somewhat like an online "bar" if you will. terrible feeling knowing you are paying for it, but it is less and less expensive, so along with the hidden gems comes the players and the scum bags (sorry, i have no other words for them) just like at bars. i hated bars and the bar scene in college and my feelings haven't changed a bit.
lately, i have had some real class acts or winners, if you will. i posted in a previous post my frustrations, so no need for that. what i will say to any single girl who is reading this, please be careful. there are so many people out there, online dating or not, that do not have good intentions, but they are good at covering this up. regardless, i thought i'd share my own version of some do's and don'ts in case some guys may happen to see this, please pay attention. so, here goes...
Do actually READ her profile. (i have no idea what the percentage is, but most do not)
Do pay attention to what she says, RESEPCT her wishes.
Do call. (enough said)
Do plan a date. (Be intentional)
Do take the time to get to know her, don't rush into things.
Do have fun.
(A guy once told me that he tries to remember that he has a sister that is dating and he would never want her being treated with disrespect or poorly, so he tries to respect girls he is dating by hoping and praying that guys are respecting his sister just the same.... maybe try thinking about it like that.)
Now for the don'ts (or at least in my book)::
Don't ask her within three minutes of getting her number to send you a pic, really? Didn't you see the pics I have posted on my profile and see that they are updated, not from 5 years ago. I rarely if ever take pictures of myself and would never take a "selfie" as they call it, so please do not ask me to do this. One guy admittedly said that he asks for it so he can save the picture with the girls name/number in his phone, as he can't keep them all straight, my response, "Wow."
Don't text a girl to get to know her. Text messages serve a great purpose, when you need to tell someone something, but don't need to call and have a conversation, or if you just want to tell someone you are thinking of them or praying for them, or if you want to have a quick little exchange. Text messages, in my book, are not to get to know each other over hours of broken convo back and forth. It is so not personal, and I cannot stand it. I actually tell every guy on match this and 99% do not listen or care, they still do it and do not call.
Don't ask a girl in appropriate questions during those initial conversations via text or phone. Keep in mind that you haven't met her and this is your first impression. Tonight a guy asked me via text, within ten to fifteen minutes of me giving him my number, "What is the sexiest thing you've ever done for a guy?" - I responded by saying, "this question is inappropriate and what happened to questions like, What is your favorite type of music?" I then said, "don't think we should continue texting and like I already told you, I prefer to have actual conversations." I know I may sound harsh, but I was only protecting myself.
Don't abuse the fact that she gave you her number. In other words, don't smother her with 200 text messages a day, there is a thing called a J-O-B, we all have to go to it, so remember, slow and steady wins the race.
Don't tell her something just to impress her... she will find out.
Don't lie.
Don't post millions of pic of you posing in front of the mirror, what I refer to as "mirror shots," 9 times out of 10, I don't talk to a guy that has them, in my opinion that are trashy. Also, it goes along with that whole "selfie" thing noted above... just not for me, but may work for others.
More than anything, be true to who you are and don't try to put on a front like you are someone you are not. If you are looking for a hook-up, say it, sadly there are girls out there looking for the same. If you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship, state that and let your actions back up your words.
Good gracious, this "90 year old" needs to go to bed and needs to end her match.com subscription swift, quick, and in a hurry. Please, Dear Lord, send me a good, old fashioned, country boy that loves Jesus!!!
lately, i have had some real class acts or winners, if you will. i posted in a previous post my frustrations, so no need for that. what i will say to any single girl who is reading this, please be careful. there are so many people out there, online dating or not, that do not have good intentions, but they are good at covering this up. regardless, i thought i'd share my own version of some do's and don'ts in case some guys may happen to see this, please pay attention. so, here goes...
Do actually READ her profile. (i have no idea what the percentage is, but most do not)
Do pay attention to what she says, RESEPCT her wishes.
Do call. (enough said)
Do plan a date. (Be intentional)
Do take the time to get to know her, don't rush into things.
Do have fun.
(A guy once told me that he tries to remember that he has a sister that is dating and he would never want her being treated with disrespect or poorly, so he tries to respect girls he is dating by hoping and praying that guys are respecting his sister just the same.... maybe try thinking about it like that.)
Now for the don'ts (or at least in my book)::
Don't ask her within three minutes of getting her number to send you a pic, really? Didn't you see the pics I have posted on my profile and see that they are updated, not from 5 years ago. I rarely if ever take pictures of myself and would never take a "selfie" as they call it, so please do not ask me to do this. One guy admittedly said that he asks for it so he can save the picture with the girls name/number in his phone, as he can't keep them all straight, my response, "Wow."
Don't text a girl to get to know her. Text messages serve a great purpose, when you need to tell someone something, but don't need to call and have a conversation, or if you just want to tell someone you are thinking of them or praying for them, or if you want to have a quick little exchange. Text messages, in my book, are not to get to know each other over hours of broken convo back and forth. It is so not personal, and I cannot stand it. I actually tell every guy on match this and 99% do not listen or care, they still do it and do not call.
Don't ask a girl in appropriate questions during those initial conversations via text or phone. Keep in mind that you haven't met her and this is your first impression. Tonight a guy asked me via text, within ten to fifteen minutes of me giving him my number, "What is the sexiest thing you've ever done for a guy?" - I responded by saying, "this question is inappropriate and what happened to questions like, What is your favorite type of music?" I then said, "don't think we should continue texting and like I already told you, I prefer to have actual conversations." I know I may sound harsh, but I was only protecting myself.
Don't abuse the fact that she gave you her number. In other words, don't smother her with 200 text messages a day, there is a thing called a J-O-B, we all have to go to it, so remember, slow and steady wins the race.
Don't tell her something just to impress her... she will find out.
Don't lie.
Don't post millions of pic of you posing in front of the mirror, what I refer to as "mirror shots," 9 times out of 10, I don't talk to a guy that has them, in my opinion that are trashy. Also, it goes along with that whole "selfie" thing noted above... just not for me, but may work for others.
More than anything, be true to who you are and don't try to put on a front like you are someone you are not. If you are looking for a hook-up, say it, sadly there are girls out there looking for the same. If you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship, state that and let your actions back up your words.
Good gracious, this "90 year old" needs to go to bed and needs to end her match.com subscription swift, quick, and in a hurry. Please, Dear Lord, send me a good, old fashioned, country boy that loves Jesus!!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
true thoughts and some funny ones recently
so, one day i will want to remember all of this information. in some ways, i think this is more therapeutic for me than anything. in all honesty, i tried to date RJ for a second round but that just backfired, but i think it is important for me to figure things like this out for myself. one of my very best friends, crystal, always tells me that i solicit to many opinions, and i have to say that in this case, i agree with her. i have never felt so overwhelmed from everyone's opinion on what was right or wrong in this case. i value my friend's opinions so much though, so it is hard for me not to tell them what is going on. regardless, i think my friends should know me well enough to know that i am NEVER going to date someone seriously or much less marry someone who does not put God first in his life. while he can promise me the world, tell me whatever he wants, i think sometimes it takes a few dates to figure this out (you have to see the fruit or see how he lives his life). you cannot pick this up in two hours of hanging out with someone. so, with all of that, i now know with 110% confidence that he is not for me.
so, i am kind of reaching a point of complete frustration, apathy, and probably some other things that i just can't think right now, haha. truthfully, i have been writing the same things in my journals for 15 years, no lie. you would think at 30, God would maybe just take this desire away, so i would just know and move on. the thing is i am doer, i cannot sit still, not my thing at all, so i have felt better about being single by knowing that it wasn't for lack of effort on my part. i have tried online dating several times, but honestly i am tired of paying money for something that just hasn't worked. so, for now, i just have to submit and surrender, and remember that i cannot control this. i am going to sit back and do nothing.
i wish we all could see what our lives look like in the future, because if i knew i was never going to get married, i would probably move to a third world country and love on some babies. at least then, i would know that my spiritual gifts would be used, i would be so happy loving on babies... maybe one day, who knows. don't get me wrong, i love my life, i really do. i love my job, love my life here, love my family, and friends, etc... but sometimes i wonder.
i am going to focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be. praying more. studying His word more, and just enjoying this season of my life:)
a couple funny things....
i just got an email on match from a guy who said, "hello. i like your profile. i am new to the area, from ohio. what is your heritage?" i mean, really... heritage, what in this world, haha.
i had another guy, who was 57 email me... okay, really... my parents are 58 and about to turn 60... if you are old enough to be my dad, i don't care how hot you once were or think you are, FORGET ABOUT IT. that makes me want to vomit.
are you all sensing why i might want to take a break? yeah, i thought so.
so, i am kind of reaching a point of complete frustration, apathy, and probably some other things that i just can't think right now, haha. truthfully, i have been writing the same things in my journals for 15 years, no lie. you would think at 30, God would maybe just take this desire away, so i would just know and move on. the thing is i am doer, i cannot sit still, not my thing at all, so i have felt better about being single by knowing that it wasn't for lack of effort on my part. i have tried online dating several times, but honestly i am tired of paying money for something that just hasn't worked. so, for now, i just have to submit and surrender, and remember that i cannot control this. i am going to sit back and do nothing.
i wish we all could see what our lives look like in the future, because if i knew i was never going to get married, i would probably move to a third world country and love on some babies. at least then, i would know that my spiritual gifts would be used, i would be so happy loving on babies... maybe one day, who knows. don't get me wrong, i love my life, i really do. i love my job, love my life here, love my family, and friends, etc... but sometimes i wonder.
i am going to focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be. praying more. studying His word more, and just enjoying this season of my life:)
a couple funny things....
i just got an email on match from a guy who said, "hello. i like your profile. i am new to the area, from ohio. what is your heritage?" i mean, really... heritage, what in this world, haha.
i had another guy, who was 57 email me... okay, really... my parents are 58 and about to turn 60... if you are old enough to be my dad, i don't care how hot you once were or think you are, FORGET ABOUT IT. that makes me want to vomit.
are you all sensing why i might want to take a break? yeah, i thought so.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
just not my type...
so, i'll take you back to december. this guy emailed me, seemed pretty normal, immediately talked about his faith, and so we exchanged numbers. there is no general rule that i have as to when i will give a guy my number, more of just a general sense or feel as to how i feel it is going, ha. so he called, convos went well for about a week or maybe a little longer, but i could tell he was a talker. as any one who knows me, you know i like to talk, so a guy that talks equally as much or more, is typically not good for me, haha. regardless, we continued to get to know each other. all of this was during the holidays, so he never once asked to meet up. this is actually not out of the norm, i didn't sign up to have a phone/texting relationship. it is straight up annoying. one sunday after church he called, and i was already frustrated that he had made no plans to meet up, but he tells me that he is possibly going to get a manicure, SAY WHAT??? now, please don't let me offend any readers or their husbands/boyfriends for that matter, but remember i grew up in lincolnton, in the country. i guess, the best way for me to put this is that i want a country boy. while i would love for him to present himself well (dress well), i can work on that later, and i surely don't want someone who spends more time on himself or takes longer to get ready than i do. i told him i wasn't interested and left it at that.
fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, he reached back out and wanted to take me to dinner, so we went to dinner.
let me first tell you a funny story. so i thought may i heard him wrong back in december about the manicures, so he text me to see finalize plans and i was actually getting a mani/pedi and told him this. his response, no lie... "i am so jealous." DO WHAT?? he said, "there should be a rule against guys rocking ugly feet in flip flops." i thought i was going to do fall out. too much for this girl. i need a man's man!!!
so dinner... i will start by saying he was dressed VERY well, he looked very nice, but that won't get you far if your personality isn't of interest to me. homeboy literally didn't stop talking during a three hour date, except for maybe 20 minutes total. at times, i tried very hard to interrupt, which i try not to do, but that didn't even get him to hush. he literally loved to talk about himself and all of his accomplishments. there wasn't one thing in this world that he couldn't do... a true know-it-all. he said, "the only repair person i have ever had at my house is the AC guy. i do it all, fix my own cars, build everything..." the list goes on and on. also, he tells me that he hasn't ever had any desire to be rebellous at all, now this may sound like a dream, but he literally said, "i don't think i have ever broken any rule or disobeyed the law." i laughed at dinner. that may be the only time i laughed, but i couldn't believe it... what in this world. i mean, i am rule follower, but in high school my friends and i were stupid and we enjoyed doing silly things. i loved sneaking out of my house to go to yesterdays (a "club" where you could be 14 to get in on friday nights), i loved driving after 9, even though we weren't supposed to, all kids go through this stage, right??? i mean, he said, the one and only thing he has ever failed at in his life was his marriage. he was married at 21 and divorced at 30, but even then he said, that she left him and it was kind of out of his control. i don't think anything has ever been more unattractive, there was no humility or humbleness to this guy. NOT FOR ME.
while i'd be the first to say that i have so many quirky things about me, this guy was a doozie. it stinks though because he is a great christian guy, but our personalities did not mesh... another one bites the dust.
sometimes i get tired...
fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, he reached back out and wanted to take me to dinner, so we went to dinner.
let me first tell you a funny story. so i thought may i heard him wrong back in december about the manicures, so he text me to see finalize plans and i was actually getting a mani/pedi and told him this. his response, no lie... "i am so jealous." DO WHAT?? he said, "there should be a rule against guys rocking ugly feet in flip flops." i thought i was going to do fall out. too much for this girl. i need a man's man!!!
so dinner... i will start by saying he was dressed VERY well, he looked very nice, but that won't get you far if your personality isn't of interest to me. homeboy literally didn't stop talking during a three hour date, except for maybe 20 minutes total. at times, i tried very hard to interrupt, which i try not to do, but that didn't even get him to hush. he literally loved to talk about himself and all of his accomplishments. there wasn't one thing in this world that he couldn't do... a true know-it-all. he said, "the only repair person i have ever had at my house is the AC guy. i do it all, fix my own cars, build everything..." the list goes on and on. also, he tells me that he hasn't ever had any desire to be rebellous at all, now this may sound like a dream, but he literally said, "i don't think i have ever broken any rule or disobeyed the law." i laughed at dinner. that may be the only time i laughed, but i couldn't believe it... what in this world. i mean, i am rule follower, but in high school my friends and i were stupid and we enjoyed doing silly things. i loved sneaking out of my house to go to yesterdays (a "club" where you could be 14 to get in on friday nights), i loved driving after 9, even though we weren't supposed to, all kids go through this stage, right??? i mean, he said, the one and only thing he has ever failed at in his life was his marriage. he was married at 21 and divorced at 30, but even then he said, that she left him and it was kind of out of his control. i don't think anything has ever been more unattractive, there was no humility or humbleness to this guy. NOT FOR ME.
while i'd be the first to say that i have so many quirky things about me, this guy was a doozie. it stinks though because he is a great christian guy, but our personalities did not mesh... another one bites the dust.
sometimes i get tired...
Sunday, March 10, 2013
some decisions just aren't easy...
so, i'm sure i'll be back to my funny dating stories soon. i keep telling some of my close girlfriends who are single they need to do a guest post, seriously they have some stories. as i always say, we really cannot make this stuff up!
so, i haven't written much lately, as i had actually made it to four dates with one guy... that is big time for this girl! four dates that i actually wanted to go on, four dates that i was excited about, and four dates that were fun. he took me to dinner, movies, we went bowling (highly recommend this as a date, it was so much fun), took me to my favorite mexican restaurant, and even cooked me dinner (it was delicious)....you are probably wondering, then why am i acting or talking like there may not be a fifth... because there will not be, and i am sad about it.
when you pray for something for so long and it is your greatest heart's desire, you can't just throw all caution to wind and compromise or settle just because a guy is charming, attractive, successful, and treats you well... you see, he was missing the biggest piece of the puzzle... he didn't love Jesus. a lot of my friends weighed in and had their opinions on this, but i know in my heart that RJ wasn't God's best for me right now. we were raised with different beliefs, and while i do think he had potential and was willing to come to church with me (he said he would), he didn't live a life following Christ at this time. i know i could have taken a chance and prayed daily that he would come to know the Lord, and be the spiritual leader i want in a husband, there also could have been a chance that he didn't and then i could have fallen in love with him and it been much harder. so, tonight, i made the difficult decision to tell him that we couldn't hang out any longer.
i am clinging to my faith and my trust in knowing that ultimately God already knows and he has all of this taken care of. while i am sad tonight, i know that i made the right decision. i would rather be single than in a relationship or a marriage with a non-believer. i cannot even imagine going through life without Christ in the center of a marriage. marriage is hard enough from what i have been told, so i don't want other factors making it more difficult.
today our pastor, Chris, delivered an amazing message (i highly recommend you listen to it... go to New Charlotte Church's website, download the podcast) on Ruth and at some point Chris said.... "For all of you who are single and praying for your future husband or wife and praying that God will send him or her soon, stop praying that prayer. Instead, pray that God will make you the wife or husband you need to be for your future spouse." It is so true, I want to be ready when I meet him. God already has him picked out:)
so, i haven't written much lately, as i had actually made it to four dates with one guy... that is big time for this girl! four dates that i actually wanted to go on, four dates that i was excited about, and four dates that were fun. he took me to dinner, movies, we went bowling (highly recommend this as a date, it was so much fun), took me to my favorite mexican restaurant, and even cooked me dinner (it was delicious)....you are probably wondering, then why am i acting or talking like there may not be a fifth... because there will not be, and i am sad about it.
when you pray for something for so long and it is your greatest heart's desire, you can't just throw all caution to wind and compromise or settle just because a guy is charming, attractive, successful, and treats you well... you see, he was missing the biggest piece of the puzzle... he didn't love Jesus. a lot of my friends weighed in and had their opinions on this, but i know in my heart that RJ wasn't God's best for me right now. we were raised with different beliefs, and while i do think he had potential and was willing to come to church with me (he said he would), he didn't live a life following Christ at this time. i know i could have taken a chance and prayed daily that he would come to know the Lord, and be the spiritual leader i want in a husband, there also could have been a chance that he didn't and then i could have fallen in love with him and it been much harder. so, tonight, i made the difficult decision to tell him that we couldn't hang out any longer.
i am clinging to my faith and my trust in knowing that ultimately God already knows and he has all of this taken care of. while i am sad tonight, i know that i made the right decision. i would rather be single than in a relationship or a marriage with a non-believer. i cannot even imagine going through life without Christ in the center of a marriage. marriage is hard enough from what i have been told, so i don't want other factors making it more difficult.
today our pastor, Chris, delivered an amazing message (i highly recommend you listen to it... go to New Charlotte Church's website, download the podcast) on Ruth and at some point Chris said.... "For all of you who are single and praying for your future husband or wife and praying that God will send him or her soon, stop praying that prayer. Instead, pray that God will make you the wife or husband you need to be for your future spouse." It is so true, I want to be ready when I meet him. God already has him picked out:)
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