true thoughts and some funny ones recently

so, one day i will want to remember all of this information.  in some ways, i think this is more therapeutic for me than anything.  in all honesty, i tried to date RJ for a second round but that just backfired, but i think it is important for me to figure things like this out for myself.  one of my very best friends, crystal, always tells me that i solicit to many opinions, and i have to say that in this case, i agree with her.  i have never felt so overwhelmed from everyone's opinion on what was right or wrong in this case.  i value my friend's opinions so much though, so it is hard for me not to tell them what is going on.  regardless, i think my friends should know me well enough to know that i am NEVER going to date someone seriously or much less marry someone who does not put God first in his life.  while he can promise me the world, tell me whatever he wants, i think sometimes it takes a few dates to figure this out (you have to see the fruit or see how he lives his life).  you cannot pick this up in two hours of hanging out with someone.  so, with all of that, i now know with 110% confidence that he is not for me.

so, i am kind of reaching a point of complete frustration, apathy, and probably some other things that i just can't think right now, haha.  truthfully, i have been writing the same things in my journals for 15 years, no lie.  you would think at 30, God would maybe just take this desire away, so i would just know and move on.  the thing is i am doer, i cannot sit still, not my thing at all, so i have felt better about being single by knowing that it wasn't for lack of effort on my part.  i have tried online dating several times, but honestly i am tired of paying money for something that just hasn't worked.  so, for now, i just have to submit and surrender, and remember that i cannot control this.  i am going to sit back and do nothing. 

i wish we all could see what our lives look like in the future, because if i knew i was never going to get married, i would probably move to a third world country and love on some babies.  at least then, i would know that my spiritual gifts would be used, i would be so happy loving on babies... maybe one day, who knows.  don't get me wrong, i love my life, i really do.  i love my job, love my life here, love my family, and friends, etc... but sometimes i wonder.

i am going to focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be.  praying more.  studying His word more, and just enjoying this season of my life:)

a couple funny things....

i just got an email on match from a guy who said, "hello.  i like your profile.  i am new to the area, from ohio.  what is your heritage?"  i mean, really... heritage, what in this world, haha. 

i had another guy, who was 57 email me... okay, really... my parents are 58 and about to turn 60... if you are old enough to be my dad, i don't care how hot you once were or think you are, FORGET ABOUT IT.  that makes me want to vomit.

are you all sensing why i might want to take a break?  yeah, i thought so.