next dud up... OTIS

so, i thought i'd jump back into online dating again, because last time i checked, i am still working from home and not having a whole lot of opportunities to meet new guys.  i have also come to the conclusion that this is truly an area that i cannot control, so whatever God intends to happen, it will.  i will keep putting myself out there, in hopes that one day it will be in His will, but until then... let the dating nightmares continue:)

so, i met "otis" online and we text for about two weeks.  he was straight up funny, which was so refreshing.  i felt like we had a lot in common, so i was excited to meet him.  after two weeks of communicating, we decided to meet.  so the plan was to go to park lanes (and bowl) and then grab dinner.  we arrive at park lanes all to learn it is league night.  he felt really bad that he didn't check into that first, but it did not matter.  they said a lane would be open at 9.  so, we head out to grab a bite to eat first at braswells (across the street).  dinner was fine, he talked a lot.  he had lots of big toys, so that was a huge part of our disussion, and quite honestly i could care less. i don't want to know that you and your buddy drove 120 mph on your  motorcycles to take a 1000 mile road trip and made it in 6 hours.  that sounds extremely dangerous.  conversation was okay, but nothing that blew it out of the park for him.

after dinner, about 8:45/9ish, we headed back out to the parking lot and he was telling me how he makes big life decisions by flipping a coin.  i am somewhat laughing at how ridiculous this sounds, but listening to his logic.  he bought a fixer upper of a beach house on a coin toss and his new truck.  he said it was too good of a deal to pass up, and since he couldn't decide, he flipped a coin.  yall... this type A personality was thinking this is truly nuts.  i mean, is he going to flip a coin to decide if he should marry someone one day?!?!  so, it was getting late, and he said, "why don't we flip a coin to decide if we are going to bowl?" i am thinking, sure, he will do this and no matter what side it lands on, he will change so we can extend our date.  well, i was wrong.  imagine that one!  he flips, i call heads and it lands on tails.  so, we leave.  we do not go bowl, and i was somewhat in shock.  not because i had this amazingly awesome time, but more because you would think that a guy would want to continue to hang out with you.  that was a new one on me, and i have seen a lot.

so, i heard from him for the next 5 days, via text.  i was willingn to go back out with him, and see if maybe a lot of it wasn't nerves or something. 

then he vanished.... about a week or so after i had not heard from him, i sent him a text and said, "i hope you are doing well.  havevn't heard from you in a few days, so good luck in your search."  i heard nada, nothing, crickets. 

oh, and if you are wondering why his nickname was otis.  he worked for otis elevators.  crystal and dusty came up with that one, so funny.

i was telling a friend yesterday that i would love and just wish that instead of vanishing (stopping all communication or not responding) that they would man up and say, "i am not interested in you because..."  i like to assume and that never gets anyone anywhere good, so it is probably best that i not know and leave it as God's protection from a jerk.

this one is worth the read...

okay, so get ready for a good one!  i have been asking my single friends to send me examples of the crazy things we encounter in this crazy dating world... i have a few examples for you.  i have pictures, as i honestly could not even come up with these examples.  i thought i'd stereotype the guys we encounter...

the super shallow guy.
while we all know that guys typically value looks more than personality, most guys would not be so brutally honest.  i feel as though, they can not message you back or not agree to go on a date with you because they aren't attracted to you, but rarely do they just say it out right... without further explanation, here are two great examples.  these two guys were from friends of mine. 

Mark may need serious prayer, and I hope someone puts him in his place very soon.

the desperate guy.  (introduction email is a marriage proposal)

the married guy.  (i wish i could say that this wasn't one i encountered, but it was.  so very sad)

yall dating is HARD.  while there are definitely great christian men out there, they are very hard to find.  i say this all the time, but if you are married, be so unbelievably thankful. i may add more to these later, but for now, enjoy our crazy adventures dating in 2014.

i cannot make this stuff up....

so, i took about a three to four month break from online dating, as i was truly just exhausted from the awkward first dates, the ups and downs, and so much more.  i was finally ready to join the online dating world again, after that much needed break.  pretty quickly i got matched up with some cute guys and i was excited.

"two-timer" was the first guy.  obviously from the name alone, you know this doesn't end well.  i was genuinely so excited to meet him.  he seemed so nice, very funny, and it was just easy to talk to him.  after about a week and a half of us messaging one another, he asked to meet up.  i will not bore you all with the details of the next part, but suffice it to say that we realized we had a mutual friend, and it was a girl he dated.  he told me to talk to her, so i did.  she said that they dated for about three months, and that he was the one guy she would go back out with, if he asked.  wow. i couldn't believe my luck.  if they had just gone on a few casual dates or met for dinner and coffee, then i could deal with that.  unfortunately, that was not the case.  so, i had peace in my decision, that we would not meet.  it gets better though.  my friend is still friends with him on FB, so she sent me a screen shot a few days after all this went down that said he was in a relationship.  now, i know 13 year olds post funny things, like in a relationship with their bffs, but not grown men.  it really stinks, because i thought he was a great guy, super respectful, and overall a great guy...i was wrong.  i can see that all of this was God's protection, but sometimes i am in disbelief at what i encounter.

second guy didn't really get a nickname, but he was a civil engineer, so we can call him that.  we messaged for about a week or two and then he asked to meet up.  unfortunately, our schedules did not mesh well because i was travelilng for work/going out of town and his schedule, so it was supposed to be this week.  well,, i didn't hear from him for a few days, so i sent him a message yesterday saying it was nice to get to know him a little, but good luck in his search since i hadn't heard from him.  he responded later and basically told me that he was really sorry that he hadn't reached out to schedule a time to meet, but a girl he has dated on and off for a year, reached back out last sunday, and he has been trying to figure out if he wants to date her again.  he told me he was "emotionally unavailable."  a good friend of mine, was like, isn't that something girls say, hahaha.  so, another one bites the dust.

this road of singleness is hard, but definitely provides entertainment.  i will keep posting, but i am going to make this blog private.  i don't want any of these guys getting access to my stories.  if you want to be added, let me know.

no nickname

so, as you all know, lindsey jo picks the nicknames most of time for any guy i talk to, meet up with, date, etc.  as with any girl or guy for that matter, we get our hopes up sometimes.  this past weekend a guy started emailing me.  we quickly realized we had a lot in common.  so, we exchanged numbers and text back and forth for about an hour and a half.  even though it was texting, which i am not always a huge fan of, the conversation was flowing.  i was really enjoying getting to know him.  i ended up ending the converstaion, only because i needed to go to bed.  i tried to keep it to myself, but i was excited.  so, i told a few friends to pray that i would be able to meet him.

so, long story short, we have text a few times this week, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.  don't worry i am not planning the wedding or anything, ha, but he makes mention that he would like to meet up, but has not actually followed through.  it is super frustrating.  so, if you have not gathered yet, i say what is on my mind.  while i want to be pursued and can be pretty old fashion, if i have nothing to lose, i'll say what i want.  so, tonight, we were texting back and forth (i even initiated it, which i NEVER do) and i basically just said, "Well, I'm glad we got to chat for a little tonight.  While I may have initiated texting you tonight, I'm not going to ask you out, so with that I'll just say, I'd like to meet up and the ball is in your court."  His response, "Yes, I'll definitely do it."  What in this world?  If you are interested in someone, you ask them out. I got the message loud and clear, buddy.

Here's the deal, don't sign up for an online dating website, if you don't have enough guts to ask a girl out.  I mean, for goodness sake, that is about the most ridiculous thing.  It would be one thing if I hadn't reassured him all week that I was interested in getting to know him more.  So, with that, I'll take what little pride I have left and move on.

homeboy didn't even get a nickname, as he moved on so fast, ha.

it is not always me

so, one thing i will start by saying is that, i am thankful for dates and opportunities.  so, this one had a good nickname.  lindsey, who does most of the nicknames, called this one Horacio, hehe.  you see, he was a crime scene investigator.  i do not watch CSI, but lindsey must, so she appropriately nicknamed him Horacio. 

so, we had been emailing for over a month and he finally asked me out.  i really thought he may never ask, haha.  so, we made plans to meet up at the halfway point, which was concord.  so, i met up with him friday night.

i would not say this was a great day, but it certainly wasn't bad.  i said it was neutral. one thing i realized after friday's date, was that all of these guys (whether online or a matchmaking situation) are strangers.  in high school and college, guys i liked were friends first.  this is so different, as you are trying to get to know the basics, while also deciding if they are a compatible match.  it is difficult at times.  conversation flowed for the most part, he was so polite, and i honestly could not say a negatie thing about him until the end of the date.

so, it was pretty cold outside on friday night.  we walked out, his arms are in his coat pockets, which is where they stayed.  he did not even walk me to my car (and homeboy is a police officer) and basically just said, "i'm glad we got to meet up."  i knew immediately, as i am good judge of character and reading people, that he was not interested.  i talked to LJ and she was quick to defend him, saying perhaps he was nervous.  well folks, i haven't heard a peep from him.  i am not surprised, i should be used to it, but sometimes it still stings.

not much to say on this one, but he had a good nickname:)

cats, i need not say anymore

so, one of my college roomie's moms tried her hand at matchmaking.  one thing i want to start this post by saying is that i am so appreciative that friends, moms, friends of friends, etc think enough of me to set me up.  really though, i have a lot of single friends in charlotte, and some of them have never been set up with anyone.  i don't take that for granted.

so, she wanted to set me up with a single 32 year old that works for one of the local hospitals.  she said he was a good christian guy.  so, oddly enough, he wouldn't take my number, as he thought that would be stalker-like, for a random/strange guy i didn't know to call me up out of nowhere, so i had to call him first.  i guess i can respect what he was saying, but i see no difference and why i had to call him first is beyond me.  regardless, i move on.  we talked for about 45 minutes, and he was so well-mannered.  he was polite, asked questions, and i saw some potential.

what i proceeded to learn was that he was musically inclined (his words, not mine)... been singing in the choir since he was in the 1st grade and his dream is to learn to play the organ.  you see, i want a country boy... i know i am being picky, but organ playing men, probably aren't my type.

now, i'm about to be real.  i do not judge based on looks.  i typically will give anyone a chance, because personality is key.  if i am laughing, that can make someone so much more attractive.  i mean, i have been rejected SO MUCH in my life for how i look, so i don't want to do that to guys.  he added me as a friend on FB, and i'll admit... the mock turtleneck in the profile pic had me laughing.  i thought, the one and only person that is okay for is a sporting coach.  i really thought, this is dated, surely.  he had pretty white teeth, a good smile, but i knew i wasn't attracted to his pics. 

when it came time for us to meet, homeboy thought we could go play pool.  say what?  i reminded him that i have no skill set, and so he agreed to just dinner at duckworths.  so, we met.  i knew that he wasn't my husband, because well (you can call me mean all you want), but homeboy had on the most ridiculous outfit.  like a hunter green (duckhead, if you will) button up tucked into kakhi pleated pants.  that hair was too much as well.  it was parted straight down the middle and he had bangs,  i am not making this stuff up.  i really could move past all of this, but aside from the obvious that we have nothing in common... when i asked him if he lived by himself, his reply caught me off guard.  yall, as you know, i have been on quite a few first dates, so many things don't catch me off guard.  he said, "just me and the boys."  i knew he had never been married or to my knowledge didn't have kids... so i thought.. oh dogs.  no yall, he said, my two cats, tucker and guinness.  i do not like cats.  i really do not think it is cool for guys to have a cat, much less, two of them.  do i think it is cool, that one of his cats was named after a beer, doesn't help a bit.  i tried to ask little to no questions about "the boys."  later in the evening something else came up about said boys, when he was talking about his optional work from home day.  he said, "they just don't seem to understand when daddy is home during the day, all they want to do is play."  yall, i nearly spit my food out.  he said, they sleep with me and all.  one curled up under one arm and the other under the other.  i couldn't handle any more talk of said cats. 

there were other things, but i want write those all out.  i feel horrible that i wasn't attracted to him or that the cat thing bothered me so.

i told a couple friend of mine about it, and they said, men who have a cat or cats, mean i need to run, haha.  also, they reminded me that i need to be so thankful and appreciative that God has given me the ability to have discernment and to know when someone is not my husband.  i don't have to explain it, but if i don't feel it, then i am not dating him just to have a boyfriend. 

on to the next one.  it does get discouraging, but i won't settle.
 

you always have to take the chance

so, i have a friend who wanted to set me up with her fiance's good friend.  she had been building this up for quite some time, and all the things i kept hearing about said guy were AWESOME.  sometimes, the buildup is half the problem.  in our minds we have this guy on a pedestal or made up version and just cannot wait to meet him.  my friend had heard about him from her fiance, but finally got to meet him at her fiance's birthday dinner.  while there, something came up about online dating.  we will nickname him "airforce" because he was in the airforce for a few years.  airforce mentioned that he had been thinking of setting up a profile on christian mingle, but didn't know if he had the time to weed through the bad to get to the good.  he said, he wanted to meet the right woman, but just didn't know if he had the time to go out or meet the bad ones too, ha.  i totally get that.  so, my friend was like, "well, i have single girl friends, what kind of girl are you interested in?"  he then went on to say, "this may seem a bit odd, but a girl who is successful/got her act together, but a little country too."  my friend was so excited.  you see, i may be a city girl now or like the city life, but at the core, i am a country girl:)  i love a good country boy, and always will.  if he hunts and fishes, has guns, etc... doesn't bother me one bit.  he said a few other things, but nothing that made my friend think we would not be a good match.  so, my friend and her fiance were on a mission.  we had several days planned, but for one reason or another it was rescheduled, cancelled, planned again, etc.  it was quite discouraging, but i just kept reminding myself that if it was in God's will it would happen.

so, long story short, we met, not in the  most normal way, ha.  he wanted to meet me with my friend and her fiance.  that is fine, but it ended up being with my friend, her fiance, my friend's mom, brother, and sister-in-law at a Christmas cantata.  not necessarily a place where one can talk to someone, but we made the best of it.  afterwards, we all went to dinner.  it was very odd to be on somewhat of a display for all at the table to hear, and i struggled with how to appear interested in getting to know him and how to not feel stupid, but i made the best of it.  i would say that neither of us got to see the other's personality that much, but it was okay.  afterwards, he walked me to my car.  this was the only time all night that we were not in front of an audience, can you imagine?  i guess i now know what these people feel like on tv, reality dating shows, as it is so completely awkward.  i mean, here is this guy i know nothing about.  i don't even know if he has siblings, where he works, etc... i am having to ask him this in front of peeps, haha.  i am not normally nervous on first dates, because, well let's face it, i have a whole blog dedicated to these awkward encounters, but this was so different.  okay, sorry i got sidetracked.  back to my car... he did manage to ask me for my number.  he was pretty shy from what i could tell, so i could tell this was a BIG DEAL.

two days later i got a random text from him at like 11am in the middle of my work day.  this has got to be one of my pet peeves, but i won't complain too much.  it is better than not hearing at all, i guess.  what i don't understand though is how one expects me to get to know them in the middle of my crazy, busy work day???  i tried to respond, ask questions, etc but he got busy as well.  so, after three to four texts back and forth, it went nowhere.  the next day around 10:30 am i sent him one that just said, i hope you have a great day and hopefully we can get to know each other after work hours.  dorky, quite possibly, do i care, not a bit.  well, folks, i never heard from him again.

i tend to beat myself up and think that it is me when dates go wrong or guys don't call.  for whatever reason, he chose not to call.  guess what, this one wasn't my fault.  i did NOTHING wrong.  i was talking to my mother about it, and she said some great things, but basically she said, i wish you wouldn't think it was you, maybe he has problems.  it is true, in this case, it was HIS LOSS, not mine.

my friend and her fiance have apologized so much, for that i am thankful, but it isn't their fault nor do they need to apologize.  as i said in the beginning, you have to take a chance and i pray that one day, i'll take the chance on the right one.

on to a new year of dating adventures, fun times, i tell ya.  don't you wish you were me, ha!