Do's and Don'ts for Guys:: Online Dating Edition

i wish i could say that i am making this up, but i am not.  i was talking to some friends the other day and they were talking about how popular online dating has become.  it is true, so many people do it, it has become somewhat like an online "bar" if you will.  terrible feeling knowing you are paying for it, but it is less and less expensive, so along with the hidden gems comes the players and the scum bags (sorry, i have no other words for them) just like at bars.  i hated bars and the bar scene in college and my feelings haven't changed a bit.

lately, i have had some real class acts or winners, if you will.  i posted in a previous post my frustrations, so no need for that.  what i will say to any single girl who is reading this, please be careful.  there are so many people out there, online dating or not, that do not have good intentions, but they are good at covering this up.  regardless, i thought i'd share my own version of some do's and don'ts in case some guys may happen to see this, please pay attention.  so, here goes...

Do actually READ her profile. (i have no idea what the percentage is, but most do not)

Do pay attention to what she says, RESEPCT her wishes.

Do call.  (enough said)

Do plan a date. (Be intentional)

Do take the time to get to know her, don't rush into things.

Do have fun.

(A guy once told me that he tries to remember that he has a sister that is dating and he would never want her being treated with disrespect or poorly, so he tries to respect girls he is dating by hoping and praying that guys are respecting his sister just the same.... maybe try thinking about it like that.)

Now for the don'ts (or at least in my book)::

Don't ask her within three minutes of getting her number to send you a pic, really?  Didn't you see the pics I have posted on my profile and see that they are updated, not from 5 years ago.  I rarely if ever take pictures of myself and would never take a "selfie" as they call it, so please do not ask me to do this.  One guy admittedly said that he asks for it so he can save the picture with the girls name/number in his phone, as he can't keep them all straight, my response, "Wow."

Don't text a girl to get to know her.  Text messages serve a great purpose, when you need to tell someone something, but don't need to call and have a conversation, or if you just want to tell someone you are thinking of them or praying for them, or if you want to have a quick little exchange.  Text messages, in my book, are not to get to know each other over hours of broken convo back and forth.  It is so not personal, and I cannot stand it.  I actually tell every guy on match this and 99% do not listen or care, they still do it and do not call.

Don't ask a girl in appropriate questions during those initial conversations via text or phone.  Keep in mind that you haven't met her and this is your first impression.  Tonight a guy asked me via text, within ten to fifteen minutes of me giving him my number, "What is the sexiest thing you've ever done for a guy?"  - I responded by saying, "this question is inappropriate and what happened to questions like, What is your favorite type of music?"  I then said, "don't think we should continue texting and like I already told you, I prefer to have actual conversations."  I know I may sound harsh, but I was only protecting myself.

Don't abuse the fact that she gave you her number.  In other words, don't smother her with 200 text messages a day, there is a thing called a J-O-B, we all have to go to it, so remember, slow and steady wins the race.

Don't tell her something just to impress her... she will find out.

Don't lie.

Don't post millions of pic of you posing in front of the mirror, what I refer to as "mirror shots," 9 times out of 10, I don't talk to a guy that has them, in my opinion that are trashy.  Also, it goes along with that whole "selfie" thing noted above... just not for me, but may work for others.

More than anything, be true to who you are and don't try to put on a front like you are someone you are not.  If you are looking for a hook-up, say it, sadly there are girls out there looking for the same.  If you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship, state that and let your actions back up your words.

Good gracious, this "90 year old" needs to go to bed and needs to end her match.com subscription swift, quick, and in a hurry.  Please, Dear Lord, send me a good, old fashioned, country boy that loves Jesus!!!

true thoughts and some funny ones recently

so, one day i will want to remember all of this information.  in some ways, i think this is more therapeutic for me than anything.  in all honesty, i tried to date RJ for a second round but that just backfired, but i think it is important for me to figure things like this out for myself.  one of my very best friends, crystal, always tells me that i solicit to many opinions, and i have to say that in this case, i agree with her.  i have never felt so overwhelmed from everyone's opinion on what was right or wrong in this case.  i value my friend's opinions so much though, so it is hard for me not to tell them what is going on.  regardless, i think my friends should know me well enough to know that i am NEVER going to date someone seriously or much less marry someone who does not put God first in his life.  while he can promise me the world, tell me whatever he wants, i think sometimes it takes a few dates to figure this out (you have to see the fruit or see how he lives his life).  you cannot pick this up in two hours of hanging out with someone.  so, with all of that, i now know with 110% confidence that he is not for me.

so, i am kind of reaching a point of complete frustration, apathy, and probably some other things that i just can't think right now, haha.  truthfully, i have been writing the same things in my journals for 15 years, no lie.  you would think at 30, God would maybe just take this desire away, so i would just know and move on.  the thing is i am doer, i cannot sit still, not my thing at all, so i have felt better about being single by knowing that it wasn't for lack of effort on my part.  i have tried online dating several times, but honestly i am tired of paying money for something that just hasn't worked.  so, for now, i just have to submit and surrender, and remember that i cannot control this.  i am going to sit back and do nothing. 

i wish we all could see what our lives look like in the future, because if i knew i was never going to get married, i would probably move to a third world country and love on some babies.  at least then, i would know that my spiritual gifts would be used, i would be so happy loving on babies... maybe one day, who knows.  don't get me wrong, i love my life, i really do.  i love my job, love my life here, love my family, and friends, etc... but sometimes i wonder.

i am going to focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be.  praying more.  studying His word more, and just enjoying this season of my life:)

a couple funny things....

i just got an email on match from a guy who said, "hello.  i like your profile.  i am new to the area, from ohio.  what is your heritage?"  i mean, really... heritage, what in this world, haha. 

i had another guy, who was 57 email me... okay, really... my parents are 58 and about to turn 60... if you are old enough to be my dad, i don't care how hot you once were or think you are, FORGET ABOUT IT.  that makes me want to vomit.

are you all sensing why i might want to take a break?  yeah, i thought so.

just not my type...

so, i'll take you back to december.  this guy emailed me, seemed pretty normal, immediately talked about his faith, and so we exchanged numbers.  there is no general rule that i have as to when i will give a guy my number, more of just a general sense or feel as to how i feel it is going, ha.  so he called, convos went well for about a week or maybe a little longer, but i could tell he was a talker.  as any one who knows me, you know i like to talk, so a guy that talks equally as much or more, is typically not good for me, haha.  regardless, we continued to get to know each other.  all of this was during the holidays, so he never once asked to meet up.  this is actually not out of the norm, i didn't sign up to have a phone/texting relationship.  it is straight up annoying.  one sunday after church he called, and i was already frustrated that he had made no plans to meet up, but he tells me that he is possibly going to get a manicure, SAY WHAT???  now, please don't let me offend any readers or their husbands/boyfriends for that matter, but remember i grew up in lincolnton, in the country.  i guess, the best way for me to put this is that i want a country boy.  while i would love for him to present himself well (dress well), i can work on that later, and i surely don't want someone who spends more time on himself or takes longer to get ready than i do.  i told him i wasn't interested and left it at that.

fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, he reached back out and wanted to take me to dinner, so we went to dinner.

let me first tell you a funny story.  so i thought may i heard him wrong back in december about the manicures, so he text me to see finalize plans and i was actually getting a mani/pedi and told him this.  his response, no lie... "i am so jealous."  DO WHAT??  he said, "there should be a rule against guys rocking ugly feet in flip flops."  i thought i was going to do fall out.  too much for this girl.  i need a man's man!!!

so dinner... i will start by saying he was dressed VERY well, he looked very nice, but that won't get you far if your personality isn't of interest to me.  homeboy literally didn't stop talking during a three hour date, except for maybe 20 minutes total.  at times, i tried very hard to interrupt, which i try not to do, but that didn't even get him to hush.  he literally loved to talk about himself and all of his accomplishments.  there wasn't one thing in this world that he couldn't do... a true know-it-all.  he said, "the only repair person i have ever had at my house is the AC guy.  i do it all, fix my own cars, build everything..." the list goes on and on.  also, he tells me that he hasn't ever had any desire to be rebellous at all, now this may sound like a dream, but he literally said, "i don't think i have ever broken any rule or disobeyed the law."  i laughed at dinner.  that may be the only time i laughed, but i couldn't believe it... what in this world.  i mean, i am rule follower, but in high school my friends and i were stupid and we enjoyed doing silly things.  i loved sneaking out of my house to go to yesterdays (a "club" where you could be 14 to get in on friday nights), i loved driving after 9, even though we weren't supposed to, all kids go through this stage, right???  i mean, he said, the one and only thing he has ever failed at in his life was his marriage.  he was married at 21 and divorced at 30, but even then he said, that she left him and it was kind of out of his control.  i don't think anything has ever been more unattractive, there was no humility or humbleness to this guy.  NOT FOR ME.

while i'd be the first to say that i have so many quirky things about me, this guy was a doozie.  it stinks though because he is a great christian guy, but our personalities did not mesh... another one bites the dust.

sometimes i get tired...