so, I have not updated in quite a while, because I have taken a real break from online dating, possibly for good. the truth is, I have been trying online dating for about 6-8 years (gosh, that in and of itself is so lame), and it has not ended the way I want. the truth is, I am a control freak. I like to know that I am doing something to change the outcome. I think the thought or idea that I am truly doing nothing, terrifies me. I mean, I can only blame myself if I am single, if I am doing nothing to change it, right? one of my dearest friends encouraged me to completely surrender being single to God. now, I am sure I have said I have before, but the truth is, I'd been holding onto some part of it and not fully trusting/surrendering. so, back in late September/early October, I completely deleted all of my online profiles. there should not be anything out there. it has been so freeing, but also kind of boring, ha. while first dates are no picnic or loads of fun (most of the time), it still makes you feel desired, like there are interested guys, etc. I have not been on a date in about 4 months, and I am learning to be okay with that.
so, for the few people who still read this, if anyone, that is why there has been no updates. maybe one day i'll venture back on there, but for now, I am finding peace in the singleness and holding onto my faith and trust in Him and His plans for my life.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
koshi
so, this one is still a little fresh and hard to type about right now, but I am going to try...
so, I met this guy only a few short days after mcfly (see previous post) and it was a total surprise. I only told two people that I was meeting this guy, because typically when I open my mouth it falls apart. so, I had zero expectations, but I was so pleasantly surprised. our first date was at a Japanese steakhouse. the whole time, I kept waiting on the "red flag" or something to happen, because it is so rare that I go on a first date and it is normal. he was so nice, such a gentleman (did not try to attack me or give me an uninvited kiss), had a good job, loved his family, went to nc state, etc. we made plans to go on another date, and this girl was more shocked than anyone.
he was a little shy at first, and I was struggling with why he was not opening up, but I was hopeful he would start to share more and he did. he was a believer, but had not been actively attending church. he was more than willing to attend church with me, or so he said. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, but I told him my faith was important and shapes who I am. as you can imagine dating in your 30s is so not easy. he respected that and seemed to be supportive, but I think a part of me knew deep down that I could not date or be with someone whose faith was not important as well.
we went on 7 dates, yall! I know you are probably like, what in the world. we did typical dates like dinner, movies, bowling, etc. I had a lot of fun with him and slowly but surely, his dry sense of humor was coming out.
we had date 8 planned for sunday night, and well... he text me that day and said, he was not going to be able to make and that he had been thinking a lot and said that he just did not think there was enough "spark" to pursue this further. i'd be lying if I said I was not shocked; I really was. I was obviously a little sad, but have been trying to remind myself that this had to be God's protection.
sunday and Monday, my biggest frustration was that I feel like a broken record to my friends. I feel like this is my life and I should be used to it by now. it is like the same story, just a different day. unfortunately, I am ever so hopeful each time and my friends so want this for me just as much as I want this. I hate having to tell them when things do not work out, but goodness God has always blessed me with the most amazing friends. I am so thankful that they are on this journey with me, because I could not get through it without them.
i wish i had the answers or understood what God's plan is, but for now i do not. am i sad some days, yes, but at the same time, i have so much to be thankful for. i wish this was not my greatest hearts desire, but it is. i have prayed for God to take the desire away and that has not happened, but i read this the other night and it is perfect.
so, I met this guy only a few short days after mcfly (see previous post) and it was a total surprise. I only told two people that I was meeting this guy, because typically when I open my mouth it falls apart. so, I had zero expectations, but I was so pleasantly surprised. our first date was at a Japanese steakhouse. the whole time, I kept waiting on the "red flag" or something to happen, because it is so rare that I go on a first date and it is normal. he was so nice, such a gentleman (did not try to attack me or give me an uninvited kiss), had a good job, loved his family, went to nc state, etc. we made plans to go on another date, and this girl was more shocked than anyone.
he was a little shy at first, and I was struggling with why he was not opening up, but I was hopeful he would start to share more and he did. he was a believer, but had not been actively attending church. he was more than willing to attend church with me, or so he said. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, but I told him my faith was important and shapes who I am. as you can imagine dating in your 30s is so not easy. he respected that and seemed to be supportive, but I think a part of me knew deep down that I could not date or be with someone whose faith was not important as well.
we went on 7 dates, yall! I know you are probably like, what in the world. we did typical dates like dinner, movies, bowling, etc. I had a lot of fun with him and slowly but surely, his dry sense of humor was coming out.
we had date 8 planned for sunday night, and well... he text me that day and said, he was not going to be able to make and that he had been thinking a lot and said that he just did not think there was enough "spark" to pursue this further. i'd be lying if I said I was not shocked; I really was. I was obviously a little sad, but have been trying to remind myself that this had to be God's protection.
sunday and Monday, my biggest frustration was that I feel like a broken record to my friends. I feel like this is my life and I should be used to it by now. it is like the same story, just a different day. unfortunately, I am ever so hopeful each time and my friends so want this for me just as much as I want this. I hate having to tell them when things do not work out, but goodness God has always blessed me with the most amazing friends. I am so thankful that they are on this journey with me, because I could not get through it without them.
i wish i had the answers or understood what God's plan is, but for now i do not. am i sad some days, yes, but at the same time, i have so much to be thankful for. i wish this was not my greatest hearts desire, but it is. i have prayed for God to take the desire away and that has not happened, but i read this the other night and it is perfect.
Monday, August 31, 2015
mcfly
so, I had taken a hiatus from dating, but I am slowly getting back into it...
so, I met a guy online (surprise), but the best part was that he knew lots of peeps from my hometown. we will call him mcfly, but I have friends that have gotten into the couple names (completely for fun), so we were "kmart." let me start by saying, he was so nice and absolutely hilarious. yall, he actually picked up the phone and CALLED me. we talked nearly every day or at least texted and it was so nice. seriously, it is such a lost art. I have never laughed as hard as I did while talking to him.
since we were in the thick of the summer and chaotic schedules, we talked for three weeks before meeting. this has its advantages and disadvantages, but for the most part I will not complain. if someone would have asked me before we actually met, if we would hit it off, I would have guaranteed it, but that is not how it worked out.
he was a firefighter, bird-dog lover, hunter, handy man, and apparently played the harmonica (I cannot even). he loved his family and was such a good uncle.
so, date day finally arrives and he got lost on the way to get me. (please note, I rarely let guys pick me up, but because we had so many mutual friends and no one had anything ugly or concerning to say, I let him.) I don't just mean a little lost, I mean like an hour. he called after about 45 minutes and was beyond frustrated and shouted a cuss word on the phone. (I am not holier than thou, but yelling the F word because you get lost is not good on a first date or ever, no matter which way you spin it.) so, the date started off on the wrong foot, but I was determined to have fun regardless.
unfortunately, his mannerisms and some things he said while on the date, quickly made me aware that this was not the guy for me. I had prayed for clarity from God all day, and I really felt like God did just that. after dinner, we sat outside and talked, etc. I was trying to give it the good ole' college try, but I was just not feeling it.
anyone who knows me, knows I have no poker face. I feel like my body language is the same way, but apparently not. we were standing looking at something and I can feel mcfly coming closer towards me. he had this look like he was going to kiss me, and I kept thinking, oh no, how do I get out of this? yall, this kiss was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I cannot do it justice in words, but I will do my best. he is facing me (obviously) and he puts both of his hands on the back of my head and starts moving my head all around. (cue motion sickness, haha)... I am kind of in shock and thinking, what in the world my head is being turned all different directions and then he is trying to kiss me. I felt like it was more like an animal attacking me; horrifying. this was the worst few seconds and worst kiss of my life. he did it again as I was trying to get him to leave to go home, and I was so completely baffled.
I hate when guys do not pick up on it, when I feel like I am making it obvious, but it is what it is. I had to tell him a few days later that I was not interested and did not feel it. he was very nice and I wish him nothing but the best.
so, I met a guy online (surprise), but the best part was that he knew lots of peeps from my hometown. we will call him mcfly, but I have friends that have gotten into the couple names (completely for fun), so we were "kmart." let me start by saying, he was so nice and absolutely hilarious. yall, he actually picked up the phone and CALLED me. we talked nearly every day or at least texted and it was so nice. seriously, it is such a lost art. I have never laughed as hard as I did while talking to him.
since we were in the thick of the summer and chaotic schedules, we talked for three weeks before meeting. this has its advantages and disadvantages, but for the most part I will not complain. if someone would have asked me before we actually met, if we would hit it off, I would have guaranteed it, but that is not how it worked out.
he was a firefighter, bird-dog lover, hunter, handy man, and apparently played the harmonica (I cannot even). he loved his family and was such a good uncle.
so, date day finally arrives and he got lost on the way to get me. (please note, I rarely let guys pick me up, but because we had so many mutual friends and no one had anything ugly or concerning to say, I let him.) I don't just mean a little lost, I mean like an hour. he called after about 45 minutes and was beyond frustrated and shouted a cuss word on the phone. (I am not holier than thou, but yelling the F word because you get lost is not good on a first date or ever, no matter which way you spin it.) so, the date started off on the wrong foot, but I was determined to have fun regardless.
unfortunately, his mannerisms and some things he said while on the date, quickly made me aware that this was not the guy for me. I had prayed for clarity from God all day, and I really felt like God did just that. after dinner, we sat outside and talked, etc. I was trying to give it the good ole' college try, but I was just not feeling it.
anyone who knows me, knows I have no poker face. I feel like my body language is the same way, but apparently not. we were standing looking at something and I can feel mcfly coming closer towards me. he had this look like he was going to kiss me, and I kept thinking, oh no, how do I get out of this? yall, this kiss was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I cannot do it justice in words, but I will do my best. he is facing me (obviously) and he puts both of his hands on the back of my head and starts moving my head all around. (cue motion sickness, haha)... I am kind of in shock and thinking, what in the world my head is being turned all different directions and then he is trying to kiss me. I felt like it was more like an animal attacking me; horrifying. this was the worst few seconds and worst kiss of my life. he did it again as I was trying to get him to leave to go home, and I was so completely baffled.
I hate when guys do not pick up on it, when I feel like I am making it obvious, but it is what it is. I had to tell him a few days later that I was not interested and did not feel it. he was very nice and I wish him nothing but the best.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
next dud up... OTIS
so, i thought i'd jump back into online dating again, because last time i checked, i am still working from home and not having a whole lot of opportunities to meet new guys. i have also come to the conclusion that this is truly an area that i cannot control, so whatever God intends to happen, it will. i will keep putting myself out there, in hopes that one day it will be in His will, but until then... let the dating nightmares continue:)
so, i met "otis" online and we text for about two weeks. he was straight up funny, which was so refreshing. i felt like we had a lot in common, so i was excited to meet him. after two weeks of communicating, we decided to meet. so the plan was to go to park lanes (and bowl) and then grab dinner. we arrive at park lanes all to learn it is league night. he felt really bad that he didn't check into that first, but it did not matter. they said a lane would be open at 9. so, we head out to grab a bite to eat first at braswells (across the street). dinner was fine, he talked a lot. he had lots of big toys, so that was a huge part of our disussion, and quite honestly i could care less. i don't want to know that you and your buddy drove 120 mph on your motorcycles to take a 1000 mile road trip and made it in 6 hours. that sounds extremely dangerous. conversation was okay, but nothing that blew it out of the park for him.
after dinner, about 8:45/9ish, we headed back out to the parking lot and he was telling me how he makes big life decisions by flipping a coin. i am somewhat laughing at how ridiculous this sounds, but listening to his logic. he bought a fixer upper of a beach house on a coin toss and his new truck. he said it was too good of a deal to pass up, and since he couldn't decide, he flipped a coin. yall... this type A personality was thinking this is truly nuts. i mean, is he going to flip a coin to decide if he should marry someone one day?!?! so, it was getting late, and he said, "why don't we flip a coin to decide if we are going to bowl?" i am thinking, sure, he will do this and no matter what side it lands on, he will change so we can extend our date. well, i was wrong. imagine that one! he flips, i call heads and it lands on tails. so, we leave. we do not go bowl, and i was somewhat in shock. not because i had this amazingly awesome time, but more because you would think that a guy would want to continue to hang out with you. that was a new one on me, and i have seen a lot.
so, i heard from him for the next 5 days, via text. i was willingn to go back out with him, and see if maybe a lot of it wasn't nerves or something.
then he vanished.... about a week or so after i had not heard from him, i sent him a text and said, "i hope you are doing well. havevn't heard from you in a few days, so good luck in your search." i heard nada, nothing, crickets.
oh, and if you are wondering why his nickname was otis. he worked for otis elevators. crystal and dusty came up with that one, so funny.
i was telling a friend yesterday that i would love and just wish that instead of vanishing (stopping all communication or not responding) that they would man up and say, "i am not interested in you because..." i like to assume and that never gets anyone anywhere good, so it is probably best that i not know and leave it as God's protection from a jerk.
so, i met "otis" online and we text for about two weeks. he was straight up funny, which was so refreshing. i felt like we had a lot in common, so i was excited to meet him. after two weeks of communicating, we decided to meet. so the plan was to go to park lanes (and bowl) and then grab dinner. we arrive at park lanes all to learn it is league night. he felt really bad that he didn't check into that first, but it did not matter. they said a lane would be open at 9. so, we head out to grab a bite to eat first at braswells (across the street). dinner was fine, he talked a lot. he had lots of big toys, so that was a huge part of our disussion, and quite honestly i could care less. i don't want to know that you and your buddy drove 120 mph on your motorcycles to take a 1000 mile road trip and made it in 6 hours. that sounds extremely dangerous. conversation was okay, but nothing that blew it out of the park for him.
after dinner, about 8:45/9ish, we headed back out to the parking lot and he was telling me how he makes big life decisions by flipping a coin. i am somewhat laughing at how ridiculous this sounds, but listening to his logic. he bought a fixer upper of a beach house on a coin toss and his new truck. he said it was too good of a deal to pass up, and since he couldn't decide, he flipped a coin. yall... this type A personality was thinking this is truly nuts. i mean, is he going to flip a coin to decide if he should marry someone one day?!?! so, it was getting late, and he said, "why don't we flip a coin to decide if we are going to bowl?" i am thinking, sure, he will do this and no matter what side it lands on, he will change so we can extend our date. well, i was wrong. imagine that one! he flips, i call heads and it lands on tails. so, we leave. we do not go bowl, and i was somewhat in shock. not because i had this amazingly awesome time, but more because you would think that a guy would want to continue to hang out with you. that was a new one on me, and i have seen a lot.
so, i heard from him for the next 5 days, via text. i was willingn to go back out with him, and see if maybe a lot of it wasn't nerves or something.
then he vanished.... about a week or so after i had not heard from him, i sent him a text and said, "i hope you are doing well. havevn't heard from you in a few days, so good luck in your search." i heard nada, nothing, crickets.
oh, and if you are wondering why his nickname was otis. he worked for otis elevators. crystal and dusty came up with that one, so funny.
i was telling a friend yesterday that i would love and just wish that instead of vanishing (stopping all communication or not responding) that they would man up and say, "i am not interested in you because..." i like to assume and that never gets anyone anywhere good, so it is probably best that i not know and leave it as God's protection from a jerk.
Monday, August 18, 2014
this one is worth the read...
okay, so get ready for a good one! i have been asking my single friends to send me examples of the crazy things we encounter in this crazy dating world... i have a few examples for you. i have pictures, as i honestly could not even come up with these examples. i thought i'd stereotype the guys we encounter...
the super shallow guy.
while we all know that guys typically value looks more than personality, most guys would not be so brutally honest. i feel as though, they can not message you back or not agree to go on a date with you because they aren't attracted to you, but rarely do they just say it out right... without further explanation, here are two great examples. these two guys were from friends of mine.
the super shallow guy.
while we all know that guys typically value looks more than personality, most guys would not be so brutally honest. i feel as though, they can not message you back or not agree to go on a date with you because they aren't attracted to you, but rarely do they just say it out right... without further explanation, here are two great examples. these two guys were from friends of mine.
Mark may need serious prayer, and I hope someone puts him in his place very soon.
the desperate guy. (introduction email is a marriage proposal)
the married guy. (i wish i could say that this wasn't one i encountered, but it was. so very sad)
yall dating is HARD. while there are definitely great christian men out there, they are very hard to find. i say this all the time, but if you are married, be so unbelievably thankful. i may add more to these later, but for now, enjoy our crazy adventures dating in 2014.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
i cannot make this stuff up....
so, i took about a three to four month break from online dating, as i was truly just exhausted from the awkward first dates, the ups and downs, and so much more. i was finally ready to join the online dating world again, after that much needed break. pretty quickly i got matched up with some cute guys and i was excited.
"two-timer" was the first guy. obviously from the name alone, you know this doesn't end well. i was genuinely so excited to meet him. he seemed so nice, very funny, and it was just easy to talk to him. after about a week and a half of us messaging one another, he asked to meet up. i will not bore you all with the details of the next part, but suffice it to say that we realized we had a mutual friend, and it was a girl he dated. he told me to talk to her, so i did. she said that they dated for about three months, and that he was the one guy she would go back out with, if he asked. wow. i couldn't believe my luck. if they had just gone on a few casual dates or met for dinner and coffee, then i could deal with that. unfortunately, that was not the case. so, i had peace in my decision, that we would not meet. it gets better though. my friend is still friends with him on FB, so she sent me a screen shot a few days after all this went down that said he was in a relationship. now, i know 13 year olds post funny things, like in a relationship with their bffs, but not grown men. it really stinks, because i thought he was a great guy, super respectful, and overall a great guy...i was wrong. i can see that all of this was God's protection, but sometimes i am in disbelief at what i encounter.
second guy didn't really get a nickname, but he was a civil engineer, so we can call him that. we messaged for about a week or two and then he asked to meet up. unfortunately, our schedules did not mesh well because i was travelilng for work/going out of town and his schedule, so it was supposed to be this week. well,, i didn't hear from him for a few days, so i sent him a message yesterday saying it was nice to get to know him a little, but good luck in his search since i hadn't heard from him. he responded later and basically told me that he was really sorry that he hadn't reached out to schedule a time to meet, but a girl he has dated on and off for a year, reached back out last sunday, and he has been trying to figure out if he wants to date her again. he told me he was "emotionally unavailable." a good friend of mine, was like, isn't that something girls say, hahaha. so, another one bites the dust.
this road of singleness is hard, but definitely provides entertainment. i will keep posting, but i am going to make this blog private. i don't want any of these guys getting access to my stories. if you want to be added, let me know.
"two-timer" was the first guy. obviously from the name alone, you know this doesn't end well. i was genuinely so excited to meet him. he seemed so nice, very funny, and it was just easy to talk to him. after about a week and a half of us messaging one another, he asked to meet up. i will not bore you all with the details of the next part, but suffice it to say that we realized we had a mutual friend, and it was a girl he dated. he told me to talk to her, so i did. she said that they dated for about three months, and that he was the one guy she would go back out with, if he asked. wow. i couldn't believe my luck. if they had just gone on a few casual dates or met for dinner and coffee, then i could deal with that. unfortunately, that was not the case. so, i had peace in my decision, that we would not meet. it gets better though. my friend is still friends with him on FB, so she sent me a screen shot a few days after all this went down that said he was in a relationship. now, i know 13 year olds post funny things, like in a relationship with their bffs, but not grown men. it really stinks, because i thought he was a great guy, super respectful, and overall a great guy...i was wrong. i can see that all of this was God's protection, but sometimes i am in disbelief at what i encounter.
second guy didn't really get a nickname, but he was a civil engineer, so we can call him that. we messaged for about a week or two and then he asked to meet up. unfortunately, our schedules did not mesh well because i was travelilng for work/going out of town and his schedule, so it was supposed to be this week. well,, i didn't hear from him for a few days, so i sent him a message yesterday saying it was nice to get to know him a little, but good luck in his search since i hadn't heard from him. he responded later and basically told me that he was really sorry that he hadn't reached out to schedule a time to meet, but a girl he has dated on and off for a year, reached back out last sunday, and he has been trying to figure out if he wants to date her again. he told me he was "emotionally unavailable." a good friend of mine, was like, isn't that something girls say, hahaha. so, another one bites the dust.
this road of singleness is hard, but definitely provides entertainment. i will keep posting, but i am going to make this blog private. i don't want any of these guys getting access to my stories. if you want to be added, let me know.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
no nickname
so, as you all know, lindsey jo picks the nicknames most of time for any guy i talk to, meet up with, date, etc. as with any girl or guy for that matter, we get our hopes up sometimes. this past weekend a guy started emailing me. we quickly realized we had a lot in common. so, we exchanged numbers and text back and forth for about an hour and a half. even though it was texting, which i am not always a huge fan of, the conversation was flowing. i was really enjoying getting to know him. i ended up ending the converstaion, only because i needed to go to bed. i tried to keep it to myself, but i was excited. so, i told a few friends to pray that i would be able to meet him.
so, long story short, we have text a few times this week, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. don't worry i am not planning the wedding or anything, ha, but he makes mention that he would like to meet up, but has not actually followed through. it is super frustrating. so, if you have not gathered yet, i say what is on my mind. while i want to be pursued and can be pretty old fashion, if i have nothing to lose, i'll say what i want. so, tonight, we were texting back and forth (i even initiated it, which i NEVER do) and i basically just said, "Well, I'm glad we got to chat for a little tonight. While I may have initiated texting you tonight, I'm not going to ask you out, so with that I'll just say, I'd like to meet up and the ball is in your court." His response, "Yes, I'll definitely do it." What in this world? If you are interested in someone, you ask them out. I got the message loud and clear, buddy.
Here's the deal, don't sign up for an online dating website, if you don't have enough guts to ask a girl out. I mean, for goodness sake, that is about the most ridiculous thing. It would be one thing if I hadn't reassured him all week that I was interested in getting to know him more. So, with that, I'll take what little pride I have left and move on.
homeboy didn't even get a nickname, as he moved on so fast, ha.
so, long story short, we have text a few times this week, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. don't worry i am not planning the wedding or anything, ha, but he makes mention that he would like to meet up, but has not actually followed through. it is super frustrating. so, if you have not gathered yet, i say what is on my mind. while i want to be pursued and can be pretty old fashion, if i have nothing to lose, i'll say what i want. so, tonight, we were texting back and forth (i even initiated it, which i NEVER do) and i basically just said, "Well, I'm glad we got to chat for a little tonight. While I may have initiated texting you tonight, I'm not going to ask you out, so with that I'll just say, I'd like to meet up and the ball is in your court." His response, "Yes, I'll definitely do it." What in this world? If you are interested in someone, you ask them out. I got the message loud and clear, buddy.
Here's the deal, don't sign up for an online dating website, if you don't have enough guts to ask a girl out. I mean, for goodness sake, that is about the most ridiculous thing. It would be one thing if I hadn't reassured him all week that I was interested in getting to know him more. So, with that, I'll take what little pride I have left and move on.
homeboy didn't even get a nickname, as he moved on so fast, ha.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
it is not always me
so, one thing i will start by saying is that, i am thankful for dates and opportunities. so, this one had a good nickname. lindsey, who does most of the nicknames, called this one Horacio, hehe. you see, he was a crime scene investigator. i do not watch CSI, but lindsey must, so she appropriately nicknamed him Horacio.
so, we had been emailing for over a month and he finally asked me out. i really thought he may never ask, haha. so, we made plans to meet up at the halfway point, which was concord. so, i met up with him friday night.
i would not say this was a great day, but it certainly wasn't bad. i said it was neutral. one thing i realized after friday's date, was that all of these guys (whether online or a matchmaking situation) are strangers. in high school and college, guys i liked were friends first. this is so different, as you are trying to get to know the basics, while also deciding if they are a compatible match. it is difficult at times. conversation flowed for the most part, he was so polite, and i honestly could not say a negatie thing about him until the end of the date.
so, it was pretty cold outside on friday night. we walked out, his arms are in his coat pockets, which is where they stayed. he did not even walk me to my car (and homeboy is a police officer) and basically just said, "i'm glad we got to meet up." i knew immediately, as i am good judge of character and reading people, that he was not interested. i talked to LJ and she was quick to defend him, saying perhaps he was nervous. well folks, i haven't heard a peep from him. i am not surprised, i should be used to it, but sometimes it still stings.
not much to say on this one, but he had a good nickname:)
so, we had been emailing for over a month and he finally asked me out. i really thought he may never ask, haha. so, we made plans to meet up at the halfway point, which was concord. so, i met up with him friday night.
i would not say this was a great day, but it certainly wasn't bad. i said it was neutral. one thing i realized after friday's date, was that all of these guys (whether online or a matchmaking situation) are strangers. in high school and college, guys i liked were friends first. this is so different, as you are trying to get to know the basics, while also deciding if they are a compatible match. it is difficult at times. conversation flowed for the most part, he was so polite, and i honestly could not say a negatie thing about him until the end of the date.
so, it was pretty cold outside on friday night. we walked out, his arms are in his coat pockets, which is where they stayed. he did not even walk me to my car (and homeboy is a police officer) and basically just said, "i'm glad we got to meet up." i knew immediately, as i am good judge of character and reading people, that he was not interested. i talked to LJ and she was quick to defend him, saying perhaps he was nervous. well folks, i haven't heard a peep from him. i am not surprised, i should be used to it, but sometimes it still stings.
not much to say on this one, but he had a good nickname:)
Thursday, February 13, 2014
cats, i need not say anymore
so, one of my college roomie's moms tried her hand at matchmaking. one thing i want to start this post by saying is that i am so appreciative that friends, moms, friends of friends, etc think enough of me to set me up. really though, i have a lot of single friends in charlotte, and some of them have never been set up with anyone. i don't take that for granted.
so, she wanted to set me up with a single 32 year old that works for one of the local hospitals. she said he was a good christian guy. so, oddly enough, he wouldn't take my number, as he thought that would be stalker-like, for a random/strange guy i didn't know to call me up out of nowhere, so i had to call him first. i guess i can respect what he was saying, but i see no difference and why i had to call him first is beyond me. regardless, i move on. we talked for about 45 minutes, and he was so well-mannered. he was polite, asked questions, and i saw some potential.
what i proceeded to learn was that he was musically inclined (his words, not mine)... been singing in the choir since he was in the 1st grade and his dream is to learn to play the organ. you see, i want a country boy... i know i am being picky, but organ playing men, probably aren't my type.
now, i'm about to be real. i do not judge based on looks. i typically will give anyone a chance, because personality is key. if i am laughing, that can make someone so much more attractive. i mean, i have been rejected SO MUCH in my life for how i look, so i don't want to do that to guys. he added me as a friend on FB, and i'll admit... the mock turtleneck in the profile pic had me laughing. i thought, the one and only person that is okay for is a sporting coach. i really thought, this is dated, surely. he had pretty white teeth, a good smile, but i knew i wasn't attracted to his pics.
when it came time for us to meet, homeboy thought we could go play pool. say what? i reminded him that i have no skill set, and so he agreed to just dinner at duckworths. so, we met. i knew that he wasn't my husband, because well (you can call me mean all you want), but homeboy had on the most ridiculous outfit. like a hunter green (duckhead, if you will) button up tucked into kakhi pleated pants. that hair was too much as well. it was parted straight down the middle and he had bangs, i am not making this stuff up. i really could move past all of this, but aside from the obvious that we have nothing in common... when i asked him if he lived by himself, his reply caught me off guard. yall, as you know, i have been on quite a few first dates, so many things don't catch me off guard. he said, "just me and the boys." i knew he had never been married or to my knowledge didn't have kids... so i thought.. oh dogs. no yall, he said, my two cats, tucker and guinness. i do not like cats. i really do not think it is cool for guys to have a cat, much less, two of them. do i think it is cool, that one of his cats was named after a beer, doesn't help a bit. i tried to ask little to no questions about "the boys." later in the evening something else came up about said boys, when he was talking about his optional work from home day. he said, "they just don't seem to understand when daddy is home during the day, all they want to do is play." yall, i nearly spit my food out. he said, they sleep with me and all. one curled up under one arm and the other under the other. i couldn't handle any more talk of said cats.
there were other things, but i want write those all out. i feel horrible that i wasn't attracted to him or that the cat thing bothered me so.
i told a couple friend of mine about it, and they said, men who have a cat or cats, mean i need to run, haha. also, they reminded me that i need to be so thankful and appreciative that God has given me the ability to have discernment and to know when someone is not my husband. i don't have to explain it, but if i don't feel it, then i am not dating him just to have a boyfriend.
on to the next one. it does get discouraging, but i won't settle.
so, she wanted to set me up with a single 32 year old that works for one of the local hospitals. she said he was a good christian guy. so, oddly enough, he wouldn't take my number, as he thought that would be stalker-like, for a random/strange guy i didn't know to call me up out of nowhere, so i had to call him first. i guess i can respect what he was saying, but i see no difference and why i had to call him first is beyond me. regardless, i move on. we talked for about 45 minutes, and he was so well-mannered. he was polite, asked questions, and i saw some potential.
what i proceeded to learn was that he was musically inclined (his words, not mine)... been singing in the choir since he was in the 1st grade and his dream is to learn to play the organ. you see, i want a country boy... i know i am being picky, but organ playing men, probably aren't my type.
now, i'm about to be real. i do not judge based on looks. i typically will give anyone a chance, because personality is key. if i am laughing, that can make someone so much more attractive. i mean, i have been rejected SO MUCH in my life for how i look, so i don't want to do that to guys. he added me as a friend on FB, and i'll admit... the mock turtleneck in the profile pic had me laughing. i thought, the one and only person that is okay for is a sporting coach. i really thought, this is dated, surely. he had pretty white teeth, a good smile, but i knew i wasn't attracted to his pics.
when it came time for us to meet, homeboy thought we could go play pool. say what? i reminded him that i have no skill set, and so he agreed to just dinner at duckworths. so, we met. i knew that he wasn't my husband, because well (you can call me mean all you want), but homeboy had on the most ridiculous outfit. like a hunter green (duckhead, if you will) button up tucked into kakhi pleated pants. that hair was too much as well. it was parted straight down the middle and he had bangs, i am not making this stuff up. i really could move past all of this, but aside from the obvious that we have nothing in common... when i asked him if he lived by himself, his reply caught me off guard. yall, as you know, i have been on quite a few first dates, so many things don't catch me off guard. he said, "just me and the boys." i knew he had never been married or to my knowledge didn't have kids... so i thought.. oh dogs. no yall, he said, my two cats, tucker and guinness. i do not like cats. i really do not think it is cool for guys to have a cat, much less, two of them. do i think it is cool, that one of his cats was named after a beer, doesn't help a bit. i tried to ask little to no questions about "the boys." later in the evening something else came up about said boys, when he was talking about his optional work from home day. he said, "they just don't seem to understand when daddy is home during the day, all they want to do is play." yall, i nearly spit my food out. he said, they sleep with me and all. one curled up under one arm and the other under the other. i couldn't handle any more talk of said cats.
there were other things, but i want write those all out. i feel horrible that i wasn't attracted to him or that the cat thing bothered me so.
i told a couple friend of mine about it, and they said, men who have a cat or cats, mean i need to run, haha. also, they reminded me that i need to be so thankful and appreciative that God has given me the ability to have discernment and to know when someone is not my husband. i don't have to explain it, but if i don't feel it, then i am not dating him just to have a boyfriend.
on to the next one. it does get discouraging, but i won't settle.
Friday, January 3, 2014
you always have to take the chance
so, i have a friend who wanted to set me up with her fiance's good friend. she had been building this up for quite some time, and all the things i kept hearing about said guy were AWESOME. sometimes, the buildup is half the problem. in our minds we have this guy on a pedestal or made up version and just cannot wait to meet him. my friend had heard about him from her fiance, but finally got to meet him at her fiance's birthday dinner. while there, something came up about online dating. we will nickname him "airforce" because he was in the airforce for a few years. airforce mentioned that he had been thinking of setting up a profile on christian mingle, but didn't know if he had the time to weed through the bad to get to the good. he said, he wanted to meet the right woman, but just didn't know if he had the time to go out or meet the bad ones too, ha. i totally get that. so, my friend was like, "well, i have single girl friends, what kind of girl are you interested in?" he then went on to say, "this may seem a bit odd, but a girl who is successful/got her act together, but a little country too." my friend was so excited. you see, i may be a city girl now or like the city life, but at the core, i am a country girl:) i love a good country boy, and always will. if he hunts and fishes, has guns, etc... doesn't bother me one bit. he said a few other things, but nothing that made my friend think we would not be a good match. so, my friend and her fiance were on a mission. we had several days planned, but for one reason or another it was rescheduled, cancelled, planned again, etc. it was quite discouraging, but i just kept reminding myself that if it was in God's will it would happen.
so, long story short, we met, not in the most normal way, ha. he wanted to meet me with my friend and her fiance. that is fine, but it ended up being with my friend, her fiance, my friend's mom, brother, and sister-in-law at a Christmas cantata. not necessarily a place where one can talk to someone, but we made the best of it. afterwards, we all went to dinner. it was very odd to be on somewhat of a display for all at the table to hear, and i struggled with how to appear interested in getting to know him and how to not feel stupid, but i made the best of it. i would say that neither of us got to see the other's personality that much, but it was okay. afterwards, he walked me to my car. this was the only time all night that we were not in front of an audience, can you imagine? i guess i now know what these people feel like on tv, reality dating shows, as it is so completely awkward. i mean, here is this guy i know nothing about. i don't even know if he has siblings, where he works, etc... i am having to ask him this in front of peeps, haha. i am not normally nervous on first dates, because, well let's face it, i have a whole blog dedicated to these awkward encounters, but this was so different. okay, sorry i got sidetracked. back to my car... he did manage to ask me for my number. he was pretty shy from what i could tell, so i could tell this was a BIG DEAL.
two days later i got a random text from him at like 11am in the middle of my work day. this has got to be one of my pet peeves, but i won't complain too much. it is better than not hearing at all, i guess. what i don't understand though is how one expects me to get to know them in the middle of my crazy, busy work day??? i tried to respond, ask questions, etc but he got busy as well. so, after three to four texts back and forth, it went nowhere. the next day around 10:30 am i sent him one that just said, i hope you have a great day and hopefully we can get to know each other after work hours. dorky, quite possibly, do i care, not a bit. well, folks, i never heard from him again.
i tend to beat myself up and think that it is me when dates go wrong or guys don't call. for whatever reason, he chose not to call. guess what, this one wasn't my fault. i did NOTHING wrong. i was talking to my mother about it, and she said some great things, but basically she said, i wish you wouldn't think it was you, maybe he has problems. it is true, in this case, it was HIS LOSS, not mine.
my friend and her fiance have apologized so much, for that i am thankful, but it isn't their fault nor do they need to apologize. as i said in the beginning, you have to take a chance and i pray that one day, i'll take the chance on the right one.
on to a new year of dating adventures, fun times, i tell ya. don't you wish you were me, ha!
so, long story short, we met, not in the most normal way, ha. he wanted to meet me with my friend and her fiance. that is fine, but it ended up being with my friend, her fiance, my friend's mom, brother, and sister-in-law at a Christmas cantata. not necessarily a place where one can talk to someone, but we made the best of it. afterwards, we all went to dinner. it was very odd to be on somewhat of a display for all at the table to hear, and i struggled with how to appear interested in getting to know him and how to not feel stupid, but i made the best of it. i would say that neither of us got to see the other's personality that much, but it was okay. afterwards, he walked me to my car. this was the only time all night that we were not in front of an audience, can you imagine? i guess i now know what these people feel like on tv, reality dating shows, as it is so completely awkward. i mean, here is this guy i know nothing about. i don't even know if he has siblings, where he works, etc... i am having to ask him this in front of peeps, haha. i am not normally nervous on first dates, because, well let's face it, i have a whole blog dedicated to these awkward encounters, but this was so different. okay, sorry i got sidetracked. back to my car... he did manage to ask me for my number. he was pretty shy from what i could tell, so i could tell this was a BIG DEAL.
two days later i got a random text from him at like 11am in the middle of my work day. this has got to be one of my pet peeves, but i won't complain too much. it is better than not hearing at all, i guess. what i don't understand though is how one expects me to get to know them in the middle of my crazy, busy work day??? i tried to respond, ask questions, etc but he got busy as well. so, after three to four texts back and forth, it went nowhere. the next day around 10:30 am i sent him one that just said, i hope you have a great day and hopefully we can get to know each other after work hours. dorky, quite possibly, do i care, not a bit. well, folks, i never heard from him again.
i tend to beat myself up and think that it is me when dates go wrong or guys don't call. for whatever reason, he chose not to call. guess what, this one wasn't my fault. i did NOTHING wrong. i was talking to my mother about it, and she said some great things, but basically she said, i wish you wouldn't think it was you, maybe he has problems. it is true, in this case, it was HIS LOSS, not mine.
my friend and her fiance have apologized so much, for that i am thankful, but it isn't their fault nor do they need to apologize. as i said in the beginning, you have to take a chance and i pray that one day, i'll take the chance on the right one.
on to a new year of dating adventures, fun times, i tell ya. don't you wish you were me, ha!
Monday, October 28, 2013
a trio/tripper and a motivational speaker
so, i had taken a bit of a break with this whole dating thing, and i have been praying that i would go on less dates. why, do you ask? it is truly quite simple... i want to meet my husband. going on countless dates, is not fun, so i am trying to be more specific.
i had a guy email me, and he tried a completely different approach. he had a youtube video in his profile, say what? it was completely different, and i thought why not email him back. we emailed once or twice and then he wanted to speak on the phone. so, i somewhat reluctantly gave him my number (probably not a good sign from day 1). he then proceeded to schedule a phone date. i guess, i shouldn't complain as guys calling is such a lost art, so i'll give him that. he wanted to call the week i was out of town, so finding a time, i would have more than 5 minutes was challenging. finally, i decided when i was driving home would be best. i can honestly say, i have never had quite the convo. i felt like was i was on a job interview/having my personality assessed. it was crazy. he would say things like, "so, what makes kelsey happy?" as if, i wasn't on the phone... who talks about someone in third person when they are speaking to that person, so strange. he owns his own company, so he is constantly thinking strategy and how to be more successful. at the end of a very painful, somewhat comical conversation, he invited me to a toastmaster's meeting for a first date/meeting... i couldn't laugh hard enough. i told him, i could think of nothing worse, as public speaking is my biggest fear in life. i think he needs to scale it back a bit, if he wants to find a wife... HAVE FUN dude. he didn't even get a nickname.
moving on to the next one, this is one of those that you are very hopeful, but at the end of the day there is no connection. we emailed for two weeks, talked on the phone for a week... yall, we had a lot in common. he loved sports, he loved kids, he was up for trying new adventures, he LOVED Jesus, and so much more. there were also a few caution flags (he talked more than me, how is this even possible, and he was Southern Baptist and sang in a Southern Gospel Trio - like they performed and traveled every Sunday around NC and SC). i was raised Southern Baptist, this isn't necessarily a dealbreaker, but in my early 20s, i figured out my faith on my own, and i wanted away from the hell, fire, and brimstone preaching. i wanted to hear more about a loving relationship with God. we finally met on Saturday for lunch. there was no connection/attraction/chemistry and i could tell immediately. i was so bummed and discouraged, as i thought there could be something there.
i continue to pray for God's perfect timing. you just have to keep going.
i had a guy email me, and he tried a completely different approach. he had a youtube video in his profile, say what? it was completely different, and i thought why not email him back. we emailed once or twice and then he wanted to speak on the phone. so, i somewhat reluctantly gave him my number (probably not a good sign from day 1). he then proceeded to schedule a phone date. i guess, i shouldn't complain as guys calling is such a lost art, so i'll give him that. he wanted to call the week i was out of town, so finding a time, i would have more than 5 minutes was challenging. finally, i decided when i was driving home would be best. i can honestly say, i have never had quite the convo. i felt like was i was on a job interview/having my personality assessed. it was crazy. he would say things like, "so, what makes kelsey happy?" as if, i wasn't on the phone... who talks about someone in third person when they are speaking to that person, so strange. he owns his own company, so he is constantly thinking strategy and how to be more successful. at the end of a very painful, somewhat comical conversation, he invited me to a toastmaster's meeting for a first date/meeting... i couldn't laugh hard enough. i told him, i could think of nothing worse, as public speaking is my biggest fear in life. i think he needs to scale it back a bit, if he wants to find a wife... HAVE FUN dude. he didn't even get a nickname.
moving on to the next one, this is one of those that you are very hopeful, but at the end of the day there is no connection. we emailed for two weeks, talked on the phone for a week... yall, we had a lot in common. he loved sports, he loved kids, he was up for trying new adventures, he LOVED Jesus, and so much more. there were also a few caution flags (he talked more than me, how is this even possible, and he was Southern Baptist and sang in a Southern Gospel Trio - like they performed and traveled every Sunday around NC and SC). i was raised Southern Baptist, this isn't necessarily a dealbreaker, but in my early 20s, i figured out my faith on my own, and i wanted away from the hell, fire, and brimstone preaching. i wanted to hear more about a loving relationship with God. we finally met on Saturday for lunch. there was no connection/attraction/chemistry and i could tell immediately. i was so bummed and discouraged, as i thought there could be something there.
i continue to pray for God's perfect timing. you just have to keep going.
Monday, August 19, 2013
this one has a lot of nicknames
so, i absolutely love that my friends are into this nickname thing, it is quite fun coming up with the nickname. i really hope my future husband enjoys that he too will have a nickname, but i surely hope he gets a sweet one in the beginning! so, we have a new guy that has entered the scene folks. i haven't met him yet, and typically i try not to blog about it until i meet him, but i felt like i had enough material to go ahead and start one. so, said guy's nicknames are sweettalkintodd or ladder31. you see, my best friend since the great age of 5 is playing matchmaker. she doesn't typically like this role, as she has tried before and it didn't work out. she met sweettalkintodd at a fire conference with her husband last year and then saw him again this year. so, she set this in motion and here we are. you see, he quickly became "STT" for short because from the very first text he sent me, he has called me "sweetie." this makes me want to vomit. now don't get my wrong, eventually one day, i am sure if my boyfriend or husband wants to call me sweetie or some sweet name, i will be okay with it, but to me someone calling me that that has never once met me, it feels cheap. it is probably something he calls every girls he talks to. literally, every text he addresses to me, has the word sweetie in it, which makes it difficult for me to want to respond. STT also keeps his name because all he does is text, which is this girls number one pet peeve. (ladder31 comes from the fact that he is a fire fighter and he is 31 years old.)
so, in the week or so he has had my number, he has only called once. he has texted me everyday, but he only texts twice a day, with the exactly same robotic text daily... "good morning sweetie or beautiful" in the morning and then "goodnight sweetie, hope you had a good day." if someone could please explain to me how i am supposed to get to know someone by two simple texts a day, i would love to know. literally, he doesn't ask questions, doesn't call, and this girl is already super annoyed. so, last night i called him out on it... think that did any good, absolutely not. i mean, i'd really like to get to know him, the one conversation we did have, he seemed super nice.
we have a date planned for this coming sunday, but this weekend i had my saturday night open up so i offered to him. any single girl knows, opening up one of your prime weekend nights to a guy you do not know is huge. i texted him (his favorite means of communication) on friday and told him and offered to meet him at the halfway point (um, how nice is that) and he said, "well... i will have to let you know if i can work that out." well, okay, not exactly one of the two responses i was expecting, but okay, STT, you do that, and let me know. this Type A girl wanted a response ASAP, just a simple yes or no, but of course, he never bothered to follow back up. so at 9:30pm saturday night he texted me and said his typical goodnight message. i was so annoyed and irritated. so, of course, with my no filter, i called him out and asked why he at least didn't let me know one way or the other. he said, he didn't want to bother me? say what? i explained to him that if a girl offers to go out with you earlier, that means she wants to go, that isn't bothering her? i told him we could just call it miscommunication, but in all honesty, i was very clear in my communication to him, he just didn't get it???
you are probably wondering why i am even still considering going on date that is planned for sunday, well because i know i am quirky, i know i have super high standards, and i know that sometimes i can make assumptions and so, i am trying really hard to give him a chance. maybe he will surprise me on sunday in person. i have a work trip that requires three hours of driving tomorrow evening and we are supposed to talk then, so we will see.
on a side note, my great neighbors/friends have maybe convinced me to try christian mingle. i am going to pray about it this week, but i guess i figure why not, at least i would have a little more confidence that the guy signed up on a christian dating website, right?
update:: STT or ladder31 never followed up on taking me out or meeting for dinner or coffee. for lack of a better explanation, i think it is safe to say that he was just clueless. i literally sent him a text saying the following "So, I told myself I would give it until today (Sunday the day of the planned date). When we spoke last Wednesday, we discussed and I thought made tentative plans to meet today/tonight. Since you haven't called all week and today came and you made no mention of it... I think it is safe to say, this isn't going anywhere. Not exactly sure what it is, but I just want to meet a guy who wants to genuinely get to know me and take me out so he can get to know me better. So with all of that, I think we can move on and say good luck and be just fine:)" to which i got a simple reply an hour later, that said, "Ok well good luck"
folks, i cannot make this stuff up, i say it all the time, so another one bites the dust.
so, in the week or so he has had my number, he has only called once. he has texted me everyday, but he only texts twice a day, with the exactly same robotic text daily... "good morning sweetie or beautiful" in the morning and then "goodnight sweetie, hope you had a good day." if someone could please explain to me how i am supposed to get to know someone by two simple texts a day, i would love to know. literally, he doesn't ask questions, doesn't call, and this girl is already super annoyed. so, last night i called him out on it... think that did any good, absolutely not. i mean, i'd really like to get to know him, the one conversation we did have, he seemed super nice.
we have a date planned for this coming sunday, but this weekend i had my saturday night open up so i offered to him. any single girl knows, opening up one of your prime weekend nights to a guy you do not know is huge. i texted him (his favorite means of communication) on friday and told him and offered to meet him at the halfway point (um, how nice is that) and he said, "well... i will have to let you know if i can work that out." well, okay, not exactly one of the two responses i was expecting, but okay, STT, you do that, and let me know. this Type A girl wanted a response ASAP, just a simple yes or no, but of course, he never bothered to follow back up. so at 9:30pm saturday night he texted me and said his typical goodnight message. i was so annoyed and irritated. so, of course, with my no filter, i called him out and asked why he at least didn't let me know one way or the other. he said, he didn't want to bother me? say what? i explained to him that if a girl offers to go out with you earlier, that means she wants to go, that isn't bothering her? i told him we could just call it miscommunication, but in all honesty, i was very clear in my communication to him, he just didn't get it???
you are probably wondering why i am even still considering going on date that is planned for sunday, well because i know i am quirky, i know i have super high standards, and i know that sometimes i can make assumptions and so, i am trying really hard to give him a chance. maybe he will surprise me on sunday in person. i have a work trip that requires three hours of driving tomorrow evening and we are supposed to talk then, so we will see.
on a side note, my great neighbors/friends have maybe convinced me to try christian mingle. i am going to pray about it this week, but i guess i figure why not, at least i would have a little more confidence that the guy signed up on a christian dating website, right?
update:: STT or ladder31 never followed up on taking me out or meeting for dinner or coffee. for lack of a better explanation, i think it is safe to say that he was just clueless. i literally sent him a text saying the following "So, I told myself I would give it until today (Sunday the day of the planned date). When we spoke last Wednesday, we discussed and I thought made tentative plans to meet today/tonight. Since you haven't called all week and today came and you made no mention of it... I think it is safe to say, this isn't going anywhere. Not exactly sure what it is, but I just want to meet a guy who wants to genuinely get to know me and take me out so he can get to know me better. So with all of that, I think we can move on and say good luck and be just fine:)" to which i got a simple reply an hour later, that said, "Ok well good luck"
folks, i cannot make this stuff up, i say it all the time, so another one bites the dust.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
melvin, such a memorable one
i thought i'd quickly write about this one... it is a good one. note to self:: don't ever agree to go on a blind date with a wish mom's nephew. i was a new wish granter in 2008 and had just moved to charlotte. said wish mom asked if i was single, to which the answer unfortunately is always, yes. maybe i should wear my biological father's engagement ring he had given to my mother many moons ago and say, no to avoid this question, always. back to story... she then proceeded to go on and on about her nephew that she would LOVE to set me up with. i was very hesitant only knowing this lady for all of five minutes, but a lunch or dinner can only last so long, right? i actually tried to avoid her follow up calls pertaining to this set up, but she was very persistent, i'll give her that. so, she preceded to tell me that her nephew's name was, get ready... "Melvin." oh dear, what a name. my best friend, holly, has a thing with names, and usually it doesn't bother me, but for some reason this one did... what a name, haha. so, he called and i could tell he was very country. many of you who know me, know that i have a thick southern accent, so this wasn't off putting to me, too much, but this was that real country! so we talk on the phone once or twice and then he tells me that he wants to take me to, get ready... Ruth's Chris, say what? for a first date, um... let me think on that one, NO. what if he is missing teeth, what if i cannot carry on a conversation with him face to face, i can think of nowhere that would be worse. so i had to legitimately explain why i didn't want to go there, haha. still to this day, haven't been and would love to, but that wasn't the appropriate time. so, we agreed on a lunch date at chili's. he shows up, mind you, i still haven't seen him, and he was literally the skinniest guy i think i have ever seen. last time i checked, i was not a size 0 and never have been, so this was a huge turn off to me. on top of this, he had on wrangler jeans circa 1990 with a braided belt, loafers, and a blue/yellow checkered short sleeve button up... i honestly couldn't believe it. i know i sound super shallow right now, but this outfit was something a grandpa might wear, the braided belt about sent me over the edge. regardless, we went in and had lunch and the conversation was just straight up painful. we had absolutely nothing in common. after the 45 minute lunch, we walked outside and he said, "i'd love to do this again sometime." i said, "thank you so much for lunch. have a great day." i really hope he found someone that he had lots in common with, but good ole melvin wasn't for me.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
taking a break
so, i've been praying a lot about this, but i closed my match.com account today. i need a break from the first dates that go horribly wrong, from the exhausting emails and phone conversations, and from letting "not the right ones" know details about me. while many of my single girlfriends may find dating fun or even think of it as a hobby, i do not. i am not necessarily taking a break from dating, if friends want to set me up with someone who legitimently could be a great potential that would be wonderful, but i need a break from the online dating world.
it is funny, about two years ago, i prayed all the time for dates. i felt so alone, so unattractive (that is a whole other story, my struggle with self esteem/confidence), etc and God has answered that prayer, but now my prayer has changed. i no longer want to go on dates, i just want to date my husband. dating, especially the wrong guys, these weirdos, can leave you feeling more empty and lonely. i know that sounds strange, but unless you've experienced a season of going on several first dates, you probably just do not understand.
i am not saying i will never do online dating again, let's face it i work from home (by myself), my church community is AWESOME (but not thriving in the single's community), and i am not sure where else i would meet someone. until then i am going to pray that God will give me patience in the waiting, that i will be joyful/thankful for the awesome friends i have, and that i will be the future wife to my husband one whenever God decides it is time for me to meet him.
it is funny, about two years ago, i prayed all the time for dates. i felt so alone, so unattractive (that is a whole other story, my struggle with self esteem/confidence), etc and God has answered that prayer, but now my prayer has changed. i no longer want to go on dates, i just want to date my husband. dating, especially the wrong guys, these weirdos, can leave you feeling more empty and lonely. i know that sounds strange, but unless you've experienced a season of going on several first dates, you probably just do not understand.
i am not saying i will never do online dating again, let's face it i work from home (by myself), my church community is AWESOME (but not thriving in the single's community), and i am not sure where else i would meet someone. until then i am going to pray that God will give me patience in the waiting, that i will be joyful/thankful for the awesome friends i have, and that i will be the future wife to my husband one whenever God decides it is time for me to meet him.
party like a rock star
all guys get a nickname, some are better than others, a nickname isn't always bad, but this one as you can imagine isn't a good one to start out with. this one is brought to you by another online dating guy, which the next post will provide you with an update where i stand with all of that, but here goes...
"party like a rock star" seemed like a very nice guy, a little younger than me (27) and we all know i am pretty mature for my age, so i approach younger than me with caution to start. he grew up in GA, loves nascar and has always wanted to be a driver. he is actually best friends with a current driver in the big series, and when he first moved to charlotte that is what he did, he worked for said best friend, on his team. now, he works in sales as a brake distributor for the smaller circuit, maybe dirt track races or something of that nature. our first two phone conversations were great, i laughed a lot, but there were caution flags (no pun intended here with the nascar theme, ha). he mentioned that he loves to head to the lake and his group of friends loves to drink. he said when his guy friends get a night off from their girlfriends and wives, they party hard to the point of blacking out. my reaction:: say what? i am 30 years old and never have i reached a point of blacking out, nor do i desire too. i rarely drink, more just on a casual/social basis with friends, so this is one of the most unattractive things to me. well, there are a lot of unattractive things, but this ranks high up there. he tried to tell me that he is somewhat done with this phase of his life, and i am just not sure if i believe it. not trying to be judgmental, just based off of our continued conversations, i am thinking he is not.
regardless, i still met him prior to my haiti trip, and it was a less than thrilling meeting. i mean, he was so incredibly nice, but there wasn't really a spark, and as with so many of the guys on match... his faith just doesn't seem important. he said he was raised southern baptist, but has lived in charlotte for over a year and doesn't currently attend a church.
i was going to give him a second chance and maybe at least try to grab a bite to eat with him, but now i am thinking what is the point, if he isn't the one, he just isn't. another bites the dust!
"party like a rock star" seemed like a very nice guy, a little younger than me (27) and we all know i am pretty mature for my age, so i approach younger than me with caution to start. he grew up in GA, loves nascar and has always wanted to be a driver. he is actually best friends with a current driver in the big series, and when he first moved to charlotte that is what he did, he worked for said best friend, on his team. now, he works in sales as a brake distributor for the smaller circuit, maybe dirt track races or something of that nature. our first two phone conversations were great, i laughed a lot, but there were caution flags (no pun intended here with the nascar theme, ha). he mentioned that he loves to head to the lake and his group of friends loves to drink. he said when his guy friends get a night off from their girlfriends and wives, they party hard to the point of blacking out. my reaction:: say what? i am 30 years old and never have i reached a point of blacking out, nor do i desire too. i rarely drink, more just on a casual/social basis with friends, so this is one of the most unattractive things to me. well, there are a lot of unattractive things, but this ranks high up there. he tried to tell me that he is somewhat done with this phase of his life, and i am just not sure if i believe it. not trying to be judgmental, just based off of our continued conversations, i am thinking he is not.
regardless, i still met him prior to my haiti trip, and it was a less than thrilling meeting. i mean, he was so incredibly nice, but there wasn't really a spark, and as with so many of the guys on match... his faith just doesn't seem important. he said he was raised southern baptist, but has lived in charlotte for over a year and doesn't currently attend a church.
i was going to give him a second chance and maybe at least try to grab a bite to eat with him, but now i am thinking what is the point, if he isn't the one, he just isn't. another bites the dust!
Monday, June 3, 2013
old school:: senior prom
i am doing a throwback post tonight from my senior prom, because honestly it is just one of those stories that is just too good to not be documented, haha. it surely wasn't funny at the time, but now i can look back and realize how dumb i was at 18.
my senior prom, it was supposed to be the most fun, but it was far from that. to date, in my 18 years, it was one of the worst nights...in high school i was a bit dramatic, i'd like to say i am far less as i have matured, but i do embrace my dramatic side, haha. i went with my the guy that i thought at the time that i loved more than anything, haha. i would do anything for him. we had dated off and on and been an "item" off and on since 8th grade. [sidenote: he got into some trouble, missed a lot of school, and basically dropped out of school. he wasn't going to be able to go to our prom, so i stepped in and asked him to go as my date, and i thought this was going to be the best night of my life. i just knew that he was going to confess his love for me and we were going to be as happy as two people could be. after all, secretly, this is what he was telling me all the time.] one of my best friends at the time, katie, and i were so happy, we didn't know what to do. i was going to my senior prom with the guy that i had basically been in love with since 7th/8th grade, what could go wrong. one minor detail, did i mention, he had a girlfriend? the only good thing i had going for me was that she was a year older and had already graduated, so there was no way she was coming to my prom and ruining my night, right? i am so excited, the prom is in about two weeks, and you guessed it... i found out that he has found another senior to take his girlfriend... as you can imagine, i am crushed. to my 18 year old self, this was the most devastating news, EVER. about a week before the prom, his grandmother called to find out if i had gotten a corsage, i said no, not yet, but that if he couldn't take care of that, my dad would get mine. at this point, i'm thinking, things are not looking good, but i continued to be hopeful. our friends had all rented a stretch escalade, which we were all very excited about and planned to meet up at one of the guy's houses beforehand for pictures. i arrive and my date is nowhere to be found. my friend katie and her boyfriend at the time, tim are desperately trying to cheer me up and provide hope, but i knew things were not looking good. eventually he shows up with his girlfriend. you should probably know there was no room for her in the stretch escalade, so apparently they arranged for her to ride in a lexus following closely behind us (this can't get any worse, right?). please keep reading. his tux matches her dress, his boutonniere matched her dress, the list could keep going. i was completely crushed, like i am pretty sure my heart was in a million pieces, but i was determined to give him multiple chances, because this was "our" night (remember i was 18). if you are wondering, he does acknowledge me, at some point. many of the moms there knew how much i liked him (so i thought loved) and made him take a few snapshots with me... i am pretty sure my mom and grandmother could have killed him. (i wish you guys could have seen them). they wanted me to leave and go meet up with lindsey and crystal, but i refused. so, off we go to get our professional pictures made. we arrive at the studio. now, of course, i am so excited to have professional pictures made with him, and i hear him say, well i only have money to get my picture made with my girlfriend. i immediately reach my breaking point, run to the bathroom, and start crying. tim (katie's boyfriend) runs to the rescue and offers to have his picture taken with me, so i don't have to be alone in my pictures (even typing this i am thinking does this really happen, how pathetic). the photographer overhears what is going on, and he steps up and says, i'll wave the setting fee for your date, he can be in the pictures, but he won't be able to get any of the pictures. so, my date pays for his pictures with his girlfriend and then has his picture made with me. it was awful, the whole room was giving him evil looks, meanwhile everyone wants to pick me up and take me out of there. the photographer is saying things like, "get a little closer, act like you love each other." we survive the picture studio, just barely and we head to dinner at a japense steakhouse. don't worry, he doesn't sit by me, nor does he pay for my dinner... he pays for hers, so i call my parents and ask if i can use their credit card (or maybe they were going to put more money in my account, something like that), which they of course said yes. i'm pretty sure malia walker was already out of the driveway on her way to get me, but i had to calmly get her to reverse the car, haha. so now it is time to finally go to the prom. we stopped at a gas station first, and "my guy" gets me in the limo by myself, i was crying again, and he gets in the floor and he starts telling me that it is going to be okay, that we are going to have a good time at the prom, he is going to escort me in, and we are going to dance, yada yada... then he kisses me. (of course, no one knows, it was all secretive.) seriously, why didn't i smack him upside of his head??? so, we get out of the limo, he has proceeded to take off his button up, so now he only has a vest and jacket on... he escorts his girlfriend into the prom, dances with her, and leaves me at my senior prom... he actually never spoke to me. at the after prom party, he told my friend katie, that i deserved what i got and i had to hear him say it...(he actually called me a few choice words, but i'll keep the blog g-rated)
we didn't speak for nearly 6 years, until katie's wedding day. i have no hard feelings now, it is in past, and honestly i know it was God's protection that i left Lincolnton and went to college and we never spoke again.
i sure know how to pick them... so fun!
my senior prom, it was supposed to be the most fun, but it was far from that. to date, in my 18 years, it was one of the worst nights...in high school i was a bit dramatic, i'd like to say i am far less as i have matured, but i do embrace my dramatic side, haha. i went with my the guy that i thought at the time that i loved more than anything, haha. i would do anything for him. we had dated off and on and been an "item" off and on since 8th grade. [sidenote: he got into some trouble, missed a lot of school, and basically dropped out of school. he wasn't going to be able to go to our prom, so i stepped in and asked him to go as my date, and i thought this was going to be the best night of my life. i just knew that he was going to confess his love for me and we were going to be as happy as two people could be. after all, secretly, this is what he was telling me all the time.] one of my best friends at the time, katie, and i were so happy, we didn't know what to do. i was going to my senior prom with the guy that i had basically been in love with since 7th/8th grade, what could go wrong. one minor detail, did i mention, he had a girlfriend? the only good thing i had going for me was that she was a year older and had already graduated, so there was no way she was coming to my prom and ruining my night, right? i am so excited, the prom is in about two weeks, and you guessed it... i found out that he has found another senior to take his girlfriend... as you can imagine, i am crushed. to my 18 year old self, this was the most devastating news, EVER. about a week before the prom, his grandmother called to find out if i had gotten a corsage, i said no, not yet, but that if he couldn't take care of that, my dad would get mine. at this point, i'm thinking, things are not looking good, but i continued to be hopeful. our friends had all rented a stretch escalade, which we were all very excited about and planned to meet up at one of the guy's houses beforehand for pictures. i arrive and my date is nowhere to be found. my friend katie and her boyfriend at the time, tim are desperately trying to cheer me up and provide hope, but i knew things were not looking good. eventually he shows up with his girlfriend. you should probably know there was no room for her in the stretch escalade, so apparently they arranged for her to ride in a lexus following closely behind us (this can't get any worse, right?). please keep reading. his tux matches her dress, his boutonniere matched her dress, the list could keep going. i was completely crushed, like i am pretty sure my heart was in a million pieces, but i was determined to give him multiple chances, because this was "our" night (remember i was 18). if you are wondering, he does acknowledge me, at some point. many of the moms there knew how much i liked him (so i thought loved) and made him take a few snapshots with me... i am pretty sure my mom and grandmother could have killed him. (i wish you guys could have seen them). they wanted me to leave and go meet up with lindsey and crystal, but i refused. so, off we go to get our professional pictures made. we arrive at the studio. now, of course, i am so excited to have professional pictures made with him, and i hear him say, well i only have money to get my picture made with my girlfriend. i immediately reach my breaking point, run to the bathroom, and start crying. tim (katie's boyfriend) runs to the rescue and offers to have his picture taken with me, so i don't have to be alone in my pictures (even typing this i am thinking does this really happen, how pathetic). the photographer overhears what is going on, and he steps up and says, i'll wave the setting fee for your date, he can be in the pictures, but he won't be able to get any of the pictures. so, my date pays for his pictures with his girlfriend and then has his picture made with me. it was awful, the whole room was giving him evil looks, meanwhile everyone wants to pick me up and take me out of there. the photographer is saying things like, "get a little closer, act like you love each other." we survive the picture studio, just barely and we head to dinner at a japense steakhouse. don't worry, he doesn't sit by me, nor does he pay for my dinner... he pays for hers, so i call my parents and ask if i can use their credit card (or maybe they were going to put more money in my account, something like that), which they of course said yes. i'm pretty sure malia walker was already out of the driveway on her way to get me, but i had to calmly get her to reverse the car, haha. so now it is time to finally go to the prom. we stopped at a gas station first, and "my guy" gets me in the limo by myself, i was crying again, and he gets in the floor and he starts telling me that it is going to be okay, that we are going to have a good time at the prom, he is going to escort me in, and we are going to dance, yada yada... then he kisses me. (of course, no one knows, it was all secretive.) seriously, why didn't i smack him upside of his head??? so, we get out of the limo, he has proceeded to take off his button up, so now he only has a vest and jacket on... he escorts his girlfriend into the prom, dances with her, and leaves me at my senior prom... he actually never spoke to me. at the after prom party, he told my friend katie, that i deserved what i got and i had to hear him say it...(he actually called me a few choice words, but i'll keep the blog g-rated)
we didn't speak for nearly 6 years, until katie's wedding day. i have no hard feelings now, it is in past, and honestly i know it was God's protection that i left Lincolnton and went to college and we never spoke again.
i sure know how to pick them... so fun!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
the music man
so, i have been laying low on the dating scene lately and truly trying to trust what is in God's plan. i signed up for six months on match, so it was about to end soon, on may 27th. match has a sixth month guarantee, if you do not meet someone, they will give you six more months for free, not going to lie, i feel so stupid that i would qualify for this, but at this point, i cannot have any pride.... i hide nothing, ha. it was exactly one week before my initial six months was to end, i'd still been checking out the "daily matches," but that was about it. i didn't know if God was trying to tell me to close my account on the 27th or opt into the additional six months. so, a week prior, i was about to go to bed and was looking through the matches, and a guy pops up that i could hardly believe (haha, i laugh at myself, please feel free to join me)...
here is a quick run down
* he works in financial sales at a bank - is employed, haha
* he talked about his faith and how that was a deal breaker for him (somewhat rare on match in general) - seriously AWESOME
* he is a part time music ministry coordinator at a church (definitely know that his faith is important)
* he likes country music (um, love this)
* he likes four wheelers and target shooting (country boy - check)
* he was cute
* huge carolina fan (GO HEELS)
so, i immediately called lindsey jo and told her and her fiance about said guy. lindsey is constantly telling me that her and andy are praying for me and my future husband. so, i just ask them to pray for clarity, God's will, me to have patience, for this guy to contact me (email me via match), etc. andy said, "well, kelsey, do you want us to pray right now?" note:: we should all make it a habit to pray more often for our friends/family on the spot. i have never in my entire life, heard such a sweet prayer. the fact that God has sent a man to my best friend, who loves her so much, and in turn, he loves her best friend... is seriously the best. i was crying through the whole prayer.
so, back to the post and said guy, he emailed me the next night!!! without boring all of you with lots of random facts about said guy, whose real name was jeremy, but lindsey gave him the nickname of "the music man, we got to know the surface level stuff and had so much in common. i couldn't believe it. he was so responsive, asked a lot of questions, and asked me out, i was excited. this surely isn't my first rodeo, so i didn't start planning my wedding, but i was genuinely hopeful that i was maybe going to meet a normal guy who loved Jesus.
so, friday night was date night. we went to an italian place in the university area, which was so delicious. highly recommend Ciro's if any of you are in the area. afterwards, we walked around the lake and listened to live music. we talked a lot. he was very attentive and asked lots of questions. we ended the night by finding a park bench and sitting and talking for another hour, so it was four hours!!! i honestly didn't see how this date could go wrong. well, the last five minutes, is exactly how it went wrong. while i know this part of any date is nerve-racking for anyone, usually you can say the standard, "i had a good time. i'd love to do it again sometime. drive safe. and call it grace, but this is not how our closing of the date went down at all. while he walked me to my car... he said, "so, it was a nice night. i had a nice time...." gave me a side hug, to which i said, "i had a great time, it was very nice to meet you." (still nothing on his part) so i said, "have a great rest of your weekend and enjoy your saturday." he says, "yeah absolutely you too and please be safe driving home." now, to most this may not be a big deal, but i cannot explain my gut feeling or instincts here, all i know is that i knew in that moment that he more than likely did not have a good enough time to ask me out again.
oddly enough, i didn't have his number. i had given him mine through email earlier in the week, in case he wanted to call to iron out our details or if he should need it for friday, but he never gave me his. i wanted to text him and thank him for dinner, as i tend to always forget, but i wasn't able. i asked a few friends their opinion and they said email him on saturday morning. so, i did and i haven't heard a peep from him. again, i am sure some of think this is normal ,part of some guy code or something, but i am not buying it.
regardless, i am a little bummed, but this isn't my first time dealing with rejection. i am trying harder than i have ever tried before to trust HIS plan and to remember that there is nothing i can do to fix this. His plans are always better, and I need to give it all to him.
UPDATE:: he did have enough respect to at least email me back and say that he isn't interested, which i appreciate. honestly, it speaks volumes to someone's character if they tell you without just disappearing, so kudos to him for that!
here is a quick run down
* he works in financial sales at a bank - is employed, haha
* he talked about his faith and how that was a deal breaker for him (somewhat rare on match in general) - seriously AWESOME
* he is a part time music ministry coordinator at a church (definitely know that his faith is important)
* he likes country music (um, love this)
* he likes four wheelers and target shooting (country boy - check)
* he was cute
* huge carolina fan (GO HEELS)
so, i immediately called lindsey jo and told her and her fiance about said guy. lindsey is constantly telling me that her and andy are praying for me and my future husband. so, i just ask them to pray for clarity, God's will, me to have patience, for this guy to contact me (email me via match), etc. andy said, "well, kelsey, do you want us to pray right now?" note:: we should all make it a habit to pray more often for our friends/family on the spot. i have never in my entire life, heard such a sweet prayer. the fact that God has sent a man to my best friend, who loves her so much, and in turn, he loves her best friend... is seriously the best. i was crying through the whole prayer.
so, back to the post and said guy, he emailed me the next night!!! without boring all of you with lots of random facts about said guy, whose real name was jeremy, but lindsey gave him the nickname of "the music man, we got to know the surface level stuff and had so much in common. i couldn't believe it. he was so responsive, asked a lot of questions, and asked me out, i was excited. this surely isn't my first rodeo, so i didn't start planning my wedding, but i was genuinely hopeful that i was maybe going to meet a normal guy who loved Jesus.
so, friday night was date night. we went to an italian place in the university area, which was so delicious. highly recommend Ciro's if any of you are in the area. afterwards, we walked around the lake and listened to live music. we talked a lot. he was very attentive and asked lots of questions. we ended the night by finding a park bench and sitting and talking for another hour, so it was four hours!!! i honestly didn't see how this date could go wrong. well, the last five minutes, is exactly how it went wrong. while i know this part of any date is nerve-racking for anyone, usually you can say the standard, "i had a good time. i'd love to do it again sometime. drive safe. and call it grace, but this is not how our closing of the date went down at all. while he walked me to my car... he said, "so, it was a nice night. i had a nice time...." gave me a side hug, to which i said, "i had a great time, it was very nice to meet you." (still nothing on his part) so i said, "have a great rest of your weekend and enjoy your saturday." he says, "yeah absolutely you too and please be safe driving home." now, to most this may not be a big deal, but i cannot explain my gut feeling or instincts here, all i know is that i knew in that moment that he more than likely did not have a good enough time to ask me out again.
oddly enough, i didn't have his number. i had given him mine through email earlier in the week, in case he wanted to call to iron out our details or if he should need it for friday, but he never gave me his. i wanted to text him and thank him for dinner, as i tend to always forget, but i wasn't able. i asked a few friends their opinion and they said email him on saturday morning. so, i did and i haven't heard a peep from him. again, i am sure some of think this is normal ,part of some guy code or something, but i am not buying it.
regardless, i am a little bummed, but this isn't my first time dealing with rejection. i am trying harder than i have ever tried before to trust HIS plan and to remember that there is nothing i can do to fix this. His plans are always better, and I need to give it all to him.
UPDATE:: he did have enough respect to at least email me back and say that he isn't interested, which i appreciate. honestly, it speaks volumes to someone's character if they tell you without just disappearing, so kudos to him for that!
Friday, May 24, 2013
the new trend
so, now the new thing is guys want to face time or skype before meeting, okay they are taking this technology thing a little too far, what in the world?!? would it be so awful to meet for coffee and not date through technology. the other night a guy asked if we could skype and i said, "no, i prefer to date in person and not have a relationship through modern technology." what in this world guys, get a clue, girls do not want to date through texting, facetime... take it old school. it is funny, i got a text from one of my good friends here in charlotte, of some beautiful flowers. no lie, a guy she was going out with last night, showed up at her door, brought her flowers, opened her door, took her to dinner, and brought her back home:) i was so encouraged that there are guys that still know how to treat a girl:)
an oldie but a goodie
i think this one was my very first online dating experience date, so this was a few years back (don't remind me how long or many times I have tried this, but know that you don't have memberships forever - you have to pay for "subscriptions or memberships by the months).
this guy, worked for BoA uptown, he was good a bit older than me, but seemed realy nice, so we talked on the phone for a while and then planned to meet up. we made plans to meet in a huge shopping center parking lot, because i don't ever let these guys know wehre i live at first, and our plan was to go to Miro (in Ballantyne) and then possibly ice skating. you see, i had just had knee surgery and had just finished PT and recovering from it, which i told him, but apparently he still thought this would be a good idea. generally or if the above had not happened, i would have been 100% on board.
so, we meet up, go to dinner. dinner was fine, but it is truly unnecessary to spend over 100 on dinner. i was still pretty new to professional working scene, so this just seemed like too much for a first date. i still feel like money could be used elsewhere, but i have a shopping addiction, so no judgment here, ha. after dinner, we headed to the ice skating rink. it should be noted that i had had pretty serious knee surgery about 4 months prior, so i had had PT for months and had just been released, which he knew. i am actually pretty good at skating (ice and roller), but when he tried to couple's skate with me on ice, i nearly slapped him. i thought, if you make me fall and i have to go back to PT, we will have major issues. we quickly ended the iceland adventure, so we headed to get coffee... he talked and talked, and i did not. i thought the marathon date would never end. i am pretty sure he said at some point at coffee, he was ready to get ready, STAT. i was terrified, and needless to say, we didn't go back out... but he is so normal in comparison:)
this guy, worked for BoA uptown, he was good a bit older than me, but seemed realy nice, so we talked on the phone for a while and then planned to meet up. we made plans to meet in a huge shopping center parking lot, because i don't ever let these guys know wehre i live at first, and our plan was to go to Miro (in Ballantyne) and then possibly ice skating. you see, i had just had knee surgery and had just finished PT and recovering from it, which i told him, but apparently he still thought this would be a good idea. generally or if the above had not happened, i would have been 100% on board.
so, we meet up, go to dinner. dinner was fine, but it is truly unnecessary to spend over 100 on dinner. i was still pretty new to professional working scene, so this just seemed like too much for a first date. i still feel like money could be used elsewhere, but i have a shopping addiction, so no judgment here, ha. after dinner, we headed to the ice skating rink. it should be noted that i had had pretty serious knee surgery about 4 months prior, so i had had PT for months and had just been released, which he knew. i am actually pretty good at skating (ice and roller), but when he tried to couple's skate with me on ice, i nearly slapped him. i thought, if you make me fall and i have to go back to PT, we will have major issues. we quickly ended the iceland adventure, so we headed to get coffee... he talked and talked, and i did not. i thought the marathon date would never end. i am pretty sure he said at some point at coffee, he was ready to get ready, STAT. i was terrified, and needless to say, we didn't go back out... but he is so normal in comparison:)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
such a great article...
http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/
the above article sums it up pretty well. i'd rather be single than settle, so i'll keep praying and waiting. God is faithful and has a plan. the bottom line:: Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ. in case you can't click on the link, here is the copy and pasted article...
My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.
So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.
1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.
the above article sums it up pretty well. i'd rather be single than settle, so i'll keep praying and waiting. God is faithful and has a plan. the bottom line:: Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ. in case you can't click on the link, here is the copy and pasted article...
My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.
So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.
1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.
2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.
3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.
4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.
5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)