so, I met this guy only a few short days after mcfly (see previous post) and it was a total surprise. I only told two people that I was meeting this guy, because typically when I open my mouth it falls apart. so, I had zero expectations, but I was so pleasantly surprised. our first date was at a Japanese steakhouse. the whole time, I kept waiting on the "red flag" or something to happen, because it is so rare that I go on a first date and it is normal. he was so nice, such a gentleman (did not try to attack me or give me an uninvited kiss), had a good job, loved his family, went to nc state, etc. we made plans to go on another date, and this girl was more shocked than anyone.
he was a little shy at first, and I was struggling with why he was not opening up, but I was hopeful he would start to share more and he did. he was a believer, but had not been actively attending church. he was more than willing to attend church with me, or so he said. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, but I told him my faith was important and shapes who I am. as you can imagine dating in your 30s is so not easy. he respected that and seemed to be supportive, but I think a part of me knew deep down that I could not date or be with someone whose faith was not important as well.
we went on 7 dates, yall! I know you are probably like, what in the world. we did typical dates like dinner, movies, bowling, etc. I had a lot of fun with him and slowly but surely, his dry sense of humor was coming out.
we had date 8 planned for sunday night, and well... he text me that day and said, he was not going to be able to make and that he had been thinking a lot and said that he just did not think there was enough "spark" to pursue this further. i'd be lying if I said I was not shocked; I really was. I was obviously a little sad, but have been trying to remind myself that this had to be God's protection.
sunday and Monday, my biggest frustration was that I feel like a broken record to my friends. I feel like this is my life and I should be used to it by now. it is like the same story, just a different day. unfortunately, I am ever so hopeful each time and my friends so want this for me just as much as I want this. I hate having to tell them when things do not work out, but goodness God has always blessed me with the most amazing friends. I am so thankful that they are on this journey with me, because I could not get through it without them.
i wish i had the answers or understood what God's plan is, but for now i do not. am i sad some days, yes, but at the same time, i have so much to be thankful for. i wish this was not my greatest hearts desire, but it is. i have prayed for God to take the desire away and that has not happened, but i read this the other night and it is perfect.
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