so, I have not updated in quite a while, because I have taken a real break from online dating, possibly for good. the truth is, I have been trying online dating for about 6-8 years (gosh, that in and of itself is so lame), and it has not ended the way I want. the truth is, I am a control freak. I like to know that I am doing something to change the outcome. I think the thought or idea that I am truly doing nothing, terrifies me. I mean, I can only blame myself if I am single, if I am doing nothing to change it, right? one of my dearest friends encouraged me to completely surrender being single to God. now, I am sure I have said I have before, but the truth is, I'd been holding onto some part of it and not fully trusting/surrendering. so, back in late September/early October, I completely deleted all of my online profiles. there should not be anything out there. it has been so freeing, but also kind of boring, ha. while first dates are no picnic or loads of fun (most of the time), it still makes you feel desired, like there are interested guys, etc. I have not been on a date in about 4 months, and I am learning to be okay with that.
so, for the few people who still read this, if anyone, that is why there has been no updates. maybe one day i'll venture back on there, but for now, I am finding peace in the singleness and holding onto my faith and trust in Him and His plans for my life.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
koshi
so, this one is still a little fresh and hard to type about right now, but I am going to try...
so, I met this guy only a few short days after mcfly (see previous post) and it was a total surprise. I only told two people that I was meeting this guy, because typically when I open my mouth it falls apart. so, I had zero expectations, but I was so pleasantly surprised. our first date was at a Japanese steakhouse. the whole time, I kept waiting on the "red flag" or something to happen, because it is so rare that I go on a first date and it is normal. he was so nice, such a gentleman (did not try to attack me or give me an uninvited kiss), had a good job, loved his family, went to nc state, etc. we made plans to go on another date, and this girl was more shocked than anyone.
he was a little shy at first, and I was struggling with why he was not opening up, but I was hopeful he would start to share more and he did. he was a believer, but had not been actively attending church. he was more than willing to attend church with me, or so he said. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, but I told him my faith was important and shapes who I am. as you can imagine dating in your 30s is so not easy. he respected that and seemed to be supportive, but I think a part of me knew deep down that I could not date or be with someone whose faith was not important as well.
we went on 7 dates, yall! I know you are probably like, what in the world. we did typical dates like dinner, movies, bowling, etc. I had a lot of fun with him and slowly but surely, his dry sense of humor was coming out.
we had date 8 planned for sunday night, and well... he text me that day and said, he was not going to be able to make and that he had been thinking a lot and said that he just did not think there was enough "spark" to pursue this further. i'd be lying if I said I was not shocked; I really was. I was obviously a little sad, but have been trying to remind myself that this had to be God's protection.
sunday and Monday, my biggest frustration was that I feel like a broken record to my friends. I feel like this is my life and I should be used to it by now. it is like the same story, just a different day. unfortunately, I am ever so hopeful each time and my friends so want this for me just as much as I want this. I hate having to tell them when things do not work out, but goodness God has always blessed me with the most amazing friends. I am so thankful that they are on this journey with me, because I could not get through it without them.
i wish i had the answers or understood what God's plan is, but for now i do not. am i sad some days, yes, but at the same time, i have so much to be thankful for. i wish this was not my greatest hearts desire, but it is. i have prayed for God to take the desire away and that has not happened, but i read this the other night and it is perfect.
so, I met this guy only a few short days after mcfly (see previous post) and it was a total surprise. I only told two people that I was meeting this guy, because typically when I open my mouth it falls apart. so, I had zero expectations, but I was so pleasantly surprised. our first date was at a Japanese steakhouse. the whole time, I kept waiting on the "red flag" or something to happen, because it is so rare that I go on a first date and it is normal. he was so nice, such a gentleman (did not try to attack me or give me an uninvited kiss), had a good job, loved his family, went to nc state, etc. we made plans to go on another date, and this girl was more shocked than anyone.
he was a little shy at first, and I was struggling with why he was not opening up, but I was hopeful he would start to share more and he did. he was a believer, but had not been actively attending church. he was more than willing to attend church with me, or so he said. I am not going to go into a lot of detail, but I told him my faith was important and shapes who I am. as you can imagine dating in your 30s is so not easy. he respected that and seemed to be supportive, but I think a part of me knew deep down that I could not date or be with someone whose faith was not important as well.
we went on 7 dates, yall! I know you are probably like, what in the world. we did typical dates like dinner, movies, bowling, etc. I had a lot of fun with him and slowly but surely, his dry sense of humor was coming out.
we had date 8 planned for sunday night, and well... he text me that day and said, he was not going to be able to make and that he had been thinking a lot and said that he just did not think there was enough "spark" to pursue this further. i'd be lying if I said I was not shocked; I really was. I was obviously a little sad, but have been trying to remind myself that this had to be God's protection.
sunday and Monday, my biggest frustration was that I feel like a broken record to my friends. I feel like this is my life and I should be used to it by now. it is like the same story, just a different day. unfortunately, I am ever so hopeful each time and my friends so want this for me just as much as I want this. I hate having to tell them when things do not work out, but goodness God has always blessed me with the most amazing friends. I am so thankful that they are on this journey with me, because I could not get through it without them.
i wish i had the answers or understood what God's plan is, but for now i do not. am i sad some days, yes, but at the same time, i have so much to be thankful for. i wish this was not my greatest hearts desire, but it is. i have prayed for God to take the desire away and that has not happened, but i read this the other night and it is perfect.
Monday, August 31, 2015
mcfly
so, I had taken a hiatus from dating, but I am slowly getting back into it...
so, I met a guy online (surprise), but the best part was that he knew lots of peeps from my hometown. we will call him mcfly, but I have friends that have gotten into the couple names (completely for fun), so we were "kmart." let me start by saying, he was so nice and absolutely hilarious. yall, he actually picked up the phone and CALLED me. we talked nearly every day or at least texted and it was so nice. seriously, it is such a lost art. I have never laughed as hard as I did while talking to him.
since we were in the thick of the summer and chaotic schedules, we talked for three weeks before meeting. this has its advantages and disadvantages, but for the most part I will not complain. if someone would have asked me before we actually met, if we would hit it off, I would have guaranteed it, but that is not how it worked out.
he was a firefighter, bird-dog lover, hunter, handy man, and apparently played the harmonica (I cannot even). he loved his family and was such a good uncle.
so, date day finally arrives and he got lost on the way to get me. (please note, I rarely let guys pick me up, but because we had so many mutual friends and no one had anything ugly or concerning to say, I let him.) I don't just mean a little lost, I mean like an hour. he called after about 45 minutes and was beyond frustrated and shouted a cuss word on the phone. (I am not holier than thou, but yelling the F word because you get lost is not good on a first date or ever, no matter which way you spin it.) so, the date started off on the wrong foot, but I was determined to have fun regardless.
unfortunately, his mannerisms and some things he said while on the date, quickly made me aware that this was not the guy for me. I had prayed for clarity from God all day, and I really felt like God did just that. after dinner, we sat outside and talked, etc. I was trying to give it the good ole' college try, but I was just not feeling it.
anyone who knows me, knows I have no poker face. I feel like my body language is the same way, but apparently not. we were standing looking at something and I can feel mcfly coming closer towards me. he had this look like he was going to kiss me, and I kept thinking, oh no, how do I get out of this? yall, this kiss was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I cannot do it justice in words, but I will do my best. he is facing me (obviously) and he puts both of his hands on the back of my head and starts moving my head all around. (cue motion sickness, haha)... I am kind of in shock and thinking, what in the world my head is being turned all different directions and then he is trying to kiss me. I felt like it was more like an animal attacking me; horrifying. this was the worst few seconds and worst kiss of my life. he did it again as I was trying to get him to leave to go home, and I was so completely baffled.
I hate when guys do not pick up on it, when I feel like I am making it obvious, but it is what it is. I had to tell him a few days later that I was not interested and did not feel it. he was very nice and I wish him nothing but the best.
so, I met a guy online (surprise), but the best part was that he knew lots of peeps from my hometown. we will call him mcfly, but I have friends that have gotten into the couple names (completely for fun), so we were "kmart." let me start by saying, he was so nice and absolutely hilarious. yall, he actually picked up the phone and CALLED me. we talked nearly every day or at least texted and it was so nice. seriously, it is such a lost art. I have never laughed as hard as I did while talking to him.
since we were in the thick of the summer and chaotic schedules, we talked for three weeks before meeting. this has its advantages and disadvantages, but for the most part I will not complain. if someone would have asked me before we actually met, if we would hit it off, I would have guaranteed it, but that is not how it worked out.
he was a firefighter, bird-dog lover, hunter, handy man, and apparently played the harmonica (I cannot even). he loved his family and was such a good uncle.
so, date day finally arrives and he got lost on the way to get me. (please note, I rarely let guys pick me up, but because we had so many mutual friends and no one had anything ugly or concerning to say, I let him.) I don't just mean a little lost, I mean like an hour. he called after about 45 minutes and was beyond frustrated and shouted a cuss word on the phone. (I am not holier than thou, but yelling the F word because you get lost is not good on a first date or ever, no matter which way you spin it.) so, the date started off on the wrong foot, but I was determined to have fun regardless.
unfortunately, his mannerisms and some things he said while on the date, quickly made me aware that this was not the guy for me. I had prayed for clarity from God all day, and I really felt like God did just that. after dinner, we sat outside and talked, etc. I was trying to give it the good ole' college try, but I was just not feeling it.
anyone who knows me, knows I have no poker face. I feel like my body language is the same way, but apparently not. we were standing looking at something and I can feel mcfly coming closer towards me. he had this look like he was going to kiss me, and I kept thinking, oh no, how do I get out of this? yall, this kiss was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I cannot do it justice in words, but I will do my best. he is facing me (obviously) and he puts both of his hands on the back of my head and starts moving my head all around. (cue motion sickness, haha)... I am kind of in shock and thinking, what in the world my head is being turned all different directions and then he is trying to kiss me. I felt like it was more like an animal attacking me; horrifying. this was the worst few seconds and worst kiss of my life. he did it again as I was trying to get him to leave to go home, and I was so completely baffled.
I hate when guys do not pick up on it, when I feel like I am making it obvious, but it is what it is. I had to tell him a few days later that I was not interested and did not feel it. he was very nice and I wish him nothing but the best.
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